Pride Week is a cause for celebration, and sometimes a cold beer or a glass of wine just won’t cut it. Sometimes you want a drink as pretty as the rainbow flag but as dirtily named as a nominee at the Grabby Awards. Well, look no further, as we’ve pulled together some of the zaniest drink choices on the Church strip. Because nothing says “I love you” to that stranger at the end of the bar like a Fire Island Fuck martini.
Take it like a man… a Bitch Slap ($8.95) that is. A favourite at Zelda’s (542 Church, 416-922-2526) because it does the trick, this double dose of sour shots and dash of melon liqueur will make you feel nice and tenderized. After a couple of these nasty girls, you’ll need to reclaim your pride by entering the Wednesday night wet-underwear contest.
Looking for less commitment but more lust? At Statlers (487 Church, 416-962-1209), the infamous One Night Stand ($9, or $7 before 8pm) — a three-way that blends blueberry vodka, lychee liqueur and sour raspberry — is topped with sweet foamy Heavenly Head that you’ll want to swallow, not spit. Clean your upper lip before you hit the floor and dance to a bevy of DJs spinning throughout the week.
A Slippery Hole ($7.75) is one part lemon rum, one part citron vodka, so you’d think it would make you pucker. But, in fact, it’s the perfect lube for your, uh, throat. Drink up and stay slick on the patios during hot nights at O’Grady’s (518 Church, 416-323-2822), or drop by on Monday, when it costs only $6 to make your hole go from dry to drenched.
What is it about a man in chaps? A Wild West blend of Bailey’s, butterscotch schnapps and Southern Comfort, the Cock Sucking Cowboy ($7.50) will have you yelling “yeeee-HAW!” This cream-dream is cheaper during the day ($6) so grab some high-noon libation. Sit back and enjoy one at Woody’s (465-467 Church, 416-972-0887), home of the official Pride Launch Party (June 20, 7pm).