Photograph Prasanth Vaa

Anyone seen Linda lately? Once the toast of Thai-town, offering a dazzling alternative to gloopy, Day-Glo noodles, she was a shining beacon of spice-radiating light in a culinary wasteland too often associated with take-out Styrofoam cartons.

From her perch above Salad King on the campus of Ryerson University, she seductively beckoned with exquisite, French-inflected Thai cuisine. We were captivated by her signature 15-point spice range (order 15 and they were said to call 911 just in case) — a delightfully sophisticated and saucy bit of fun. Linda was indeed a beauty, something to behold, an exceptional and unique dining destination.

Alas, her reincarnation at the spanking new Shops at Don Mills is like a case of cosmetic surgery gone horribly wrong. Gone are the 15-point spice meter and a carte rife with possibilities. It’s not that her new digs’ décor disappoints: vaulted ceilings, Buddhist-inspired paintings and carved wooden partitions are design nirvana; like the old Linda, ambience remains a strong suit. The service is cheerful, pleasant and well-versed. But the fact that food gets strolled out on trolleys does not bode well.

On paper, a mango salad ($6.95) seems like a nice refreshing palate cleanser for an early summer patio repast. But unripe fruit and shredded iceberg lettuce make this a definite pass. Tender and flavourful skewers of beef satay ($7) are well-seasoned and juicy, but they’re colder than the coconut- peanut dipping sauce they’re served with. And silver dollar–sized gummy disks they tell us are fish cakes ($6) are even more of a rip when delivered minus the menu-listed green bean accompaniment.

An artful fan of nicely steamed garlicky baby bok choy ($12.50) provides a glimmer of hope if you can overlook the galling chutzpah of that price  tag. A bowl of green curry chicken ($15.50) filled with tender chunks of breast meat, broccoli and poppable peas in a silky smooth broth has us titillated. But stir-fried rice in young coconut ($18.50) has disappointment written all over our faces once again, in spite of its clever in-shell presentation. You’ll need the CSI: Bangkok team to locate traces of scallop and shrimp.

Two legs of crispy duck ($18.50) look superb upon arrival. But looks can be deceiving, and by the time our server is done deboning it tableside (a process which involves mashing the meat into an aesthetically unpleasing mess of stringiness) — it looks about as appetizing as a plate of yesterday’s leftovers.

But Linda’s KoeKoe shrimp ($17.50) is perhaps the biggest letdown. A mountain of tasteless coconut-battered Gulf shrimp arrives like a plate of dregs from the deep fryer. Words haven’t yet been invented to describe the travesty of a Lychee lobster ($23.50). Even dessert’s not worth writing about.

The Linda we knew is dead and buried. Let her rest in peace.