When the movie made its premiere at TIFF last September, Young People Fucking was just a pretty good low-budget sex comedy with a million-dollar title. Now, it’s our first bona fide film maudit since Bubbles Galore introduced parliamentarians to the oeuvre of Nina Hartley.

Over the past several months, film-biz folks have worked themselves into a soapy lather over the looming threat of censorship. The reason for the hubbub is a pending amendment to the Income Tax Act (Bill C-10) that would allow the feds to withdraw tax credits for films and TV shows that they considered morally offensive to upstanding Canadians. Young People Fucking would’ve been an obvious lightning rod for controversy even if it hadn’t been reported that the prime minister was none too happy to hear a film with that title had been awarded subsidies.

Having received a level of publicity that would’ve been impossible to achieve on the miniscule promotional budget for the average Canuck flick, Young People Fucking may now actually be seen by the citizens who helped pay for it. And while no movie could ever deliver all the creamy goodness promised by those three words, Young People Fucking — written by director Martin Gero with Aaron Abrams, also one of the thespians getting dirty on screen — at least makes it between second and third base.

An ensemble comedy that follows five hetero couples’ sexual encounters from prelude to afterglow, it stars some of the country’s best young comic actors. The roster of rompers includes Abrams and Carly Pope as platonic pals who decide to get it on, Josh Dean and Kristin Booth as a bored young couple who go to extremes to get home fires burning again and — funniest of all — Peter Oldring, Ennis Esmer and Natalie Lisinska as participants in a threesome that is awkward even by the standards of awkward threesomes.

The action is only mildly risqué, so closet Tories and other pervs may be disappointed at the lack of genuine transgressions. Moreover, some stories fail to find climaxes that fully satisfy participants and spectators alike. Yet the movie scores enough big laughs and solid insights to succeed as a smutty crowd-pleaser.

Knowing that Young People Fucking has attracted so much notoriety in recent months, we thought it was a great idea to invite readers to send in their questions for its creators. Surely, making the film must’ve given them some new-found wisdom about love, life and all the rest. Aaron Abrams obliged us with answers — after you read them, you’ll be very relieved to know that not a penny of federal money was involved…

Dear YPF: I am a young woman just entering the dating scene. Having spent my formative years in a Carmelite nunnery, I am unfamiliar with the expectations of modern men. How many dates should I wait before letting a new suitor make a move? Please keep in mind that I’m an
ex-Catholic.
Carmelite nunnery? Sounds delicious. I think I ate one of those at Dufflet Pastries once. Assuming you’re a virgin, your first time is something special you’ll remember forever and any “modern man” should respect your Catholic boundaries and let you set the pace. And remember, when you are ready to take that magical leap: up the bum = no babies.

Dear YPF: When is it appropriate to cry after sex? How good or bad does it have to be?
Crying after sex is acceptable only in the following circumstances: 1. Something about the sex reminds you of The Green Mile. 2. Something about the sex reminds you of that speech given by Steve Irwin’s daughter. 3. Onion sex.  

Dear YPF: I am a Swedish graduate student who is preparing a thesis paper on the sexual habits of people in northern climates. Through your own rigorous research, did you discover any practices that are particular to young urban Canadians?
“The Romantic Poutine.” It’s basically like the Japanese tradition of bukkake. Only with jizz curd.

Dear YPF: My new girlfriend cries out another man’s name when she climaxes. She always apologizes afterward and says she has no idea why she does it; ­she’s never even met anyone named Colm Feore. Should I be worried?
I fucked Colm Feore once and absolutely you should be worried. Best lay ever. He does it in iambic pentameter.
 
Dear YPF: I am an independent filmmaker at work on a compelling character-based drama about the destructive impact of economic globalization and climate change on a community in rural Ontario. In order to make sure my movie reaches the widest possible audience, I want my actors to play their roles while naked and covered in baby oil. What advice can you give to help me convince my actors to participate in this important artistic statement?
Hire local YPF actor Ennis Esmer. He’s game for anything. Especially if you switch the baby oil with marshmallow spread.

Dear YPF: My wife is a real wildcat in the bedroom. I’m not a conservative guy by any stretch of the imagination yet she’s always eager to take it to extremes. I now know all there is to know about the Dirty Sanchez, the Cleveland Steamer and the Double Double With Tim Bits. The next thing she wants me to try is something called a Bill C-10. She’s being coy about what that is — can you help?
It’s a really tricky move. What you have to do is put your head all the way up your own ass, and then fuck everybody else in the ass all at once. It’s only for the truly limber.