No guts, no glory. No problem. Toronto scientists at the Hospital for Sick Children may have found a way to grow your guts back, literally. Using stem cell research, they have turned embryonic stem cells into a cell type that will ultimately help repair organs like the lungs, liver and pancreas by regenerating tissue. Aside from feeling a bit like a lizard growing its tail back, this is good news for smokers and drinkers, as well as anyone suffering from unself-inflicted diseases of the internal organs. The findings, which were released yesterday in George W Bush’s least favourite bathroom journal, Stem Cell, explain that the cells may also be useful in a number of other applications, particularly in understanding the mystery of Canadian comic book celebrity Wolverine’s mutant ability to recover from any injury.
But this discovery is really just the latest in a long history of made-in-Toronto medical breakthroughs. An overview of Hogtown's history of curing all:
CURE FOR DIABETES-RELATED BLOOD-SUGAR FLUCTUATIONS*: The most famous, of course, being Frederick Banting and Charles Best’s discovery of insulin at U of T in 1921, a patent that was sold to the university for one dollar and yet has had no effect on lowering tuition.
*Yes, we know the difference between a "treatment," and a "cure," but a
"cure" gimmick doesn't work if your first example isn't called a "cure."
CURES FOR IRREGULAR HEARTBEATS, INVISIBILITY IN SMALL THINGS AND LONELY, HEALTHY BLOOD CELLS: U of T research has also brought us the first electronic pacemaker, the first commercial electron microscope, and the cloning of T-cells — white blood cells that are far more useful than poorly named pets.
CURE FOR BLACKOUTS (IN PILOTS): To cure G-force blackouts common to anyone piloting high speed aircraft, another U of T research team (appropriately working at the Banting and Best Institute) developed the g-suit. (Not to be confused with the G-Unit suit, which is basically a Kevlar vest worn under an EKCO t-shirt.) The g-suit helped to combat against mass displacement during fast flights. No, not that kind.
CURE FOR BLACKOUTS (IN CHILDREN) AND THE TASTE OF STRAIGHT RYE: Coincidentally, mom’s original treatment for such blackouts, a glass of flat ginger ale, also comes from Toronto. Well, kind of. John A McLaughlin invented the Canada Dry version of the beverage back in 1907. We’re not sure whose mom first started using the drink as a cure-all for school-age illnesses (both real and faked), but neither she nor McLaughlin could have anticipated the more popular self-medicating application, simply called a Rye and Ginger. Tragically, the great taste of the latter has recently fallen under scrutiny for its creepy advertising association.
CURES FOR INSOMNIA AND WIRED-WORLD INARTICULACY: Achievements in the field of psychology also have their T-dot stamp of origin. While penning numerous classic Canadian tomes, writer and professor Robertson Davies also, according to some students, developed a highly effective cure for insomnia while lecturing at Massey College. Around the same time an just down the street, Marshall McLuhan was anticipating the alienation of an electronic future and the snappy vapidity of a soundbyte culture by identifying such fantastical phenomena as the “global village” and coining phrases like “the medium is the message.”
CURE FOR HOPE AND CELEBRATION: And Torontonians have themselves been unwittingly integral to the further understanding of a rare psychological cycle of terminal hope that impairs rational judgement when faced with certain sporting events, commonly called "Stanley Cup Syndrome."