The TIFF Party Report Card

When TIFF attendees complain about exhaustion, dehydration and the weight of their goody bags, it’s not coming from back-to-back screenings. Partying is the real sport of TIFFing, and while EYE WEEKLY’s staff revelers aren’t really the kind of high-gear socialites that get off on the after-after-after-party starfucking (really, we’re cool with tall cans and a couch, and our communist asses weren’t invited to most of the really cool events anyway), we hit up a few TIFF fiestas and lived to tell about it.

SOOK-YIN LEE'S YEAR OF THE CARNIVORE PARTY
Sept. 11, Rolly's Garage
Clustered in a packed Rolly’s Garage with industry producers (celebs were of the decidedly CanCon variety, like Sloan’s Jay Ferguson), Sook-Yin Lee demanded stories of our first orgasms and bad babysitting experiences — though most were hesitant to fess up. A hard-to-hear performance from Buck 65 and droopy sandwiches were less desired than a gift bag from Come As You Are featuring a flashlight vibrator (thanks!) and free lube. Eventually a dance party in the garage occurred, thanks to complimentary beer. CL
Celeb wattage: •• (out of 5)
Fun factor: •••

SUCK AFTER-PARTY
Sept. 11th, the Phoenix
Although we’re on the threshold of the first TIFF weekend of 2009, the scene at the Phoenix for the Suck after-party on Friday night feels a lot like any other night at the east-end venue. Little decoration and a regular-looking crowd are hardly fit for the film-fest gossip mill. Hiding out in a small lounge is some of the film’s talent (Jessica Paré), but the line-up at the bar is a few bodies too deep, so it’s out into the main hall to hang with one of the evening’s DJs, Jonathan Dekel of Gasoline magazine. Between his sets we’re treated to live videos of Bon Scott-era AC/DC and a mid-’80s Iggy Pop on Letterman. Of all the rock 'n’ roll notables in the film (Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, Alice Cooper, Moby), only Alex Lifeson is scheduled to show up and jam with the Burning Brides (featuring Suck star Dimitri Coats). This does not seem worth staying up until 4am. CB
Celeb wattage: ••
Fun factor: ••

TWITCH FILM PARTY
Sept. 11, The Gladstone Hotel
I figured that Toronto’s considerable horror underbelly would come out to the Gladstone for Twitch Film’s fifth anniversary party, which was tenuously connected to TIFF’s Midnight Madness programming. And, even though I doubted free drinks were going to happen (they did not, and later that evening I continued my Jameson spree at the Madison — long story — where drinks were considerably cheaper), I figured that a party co-hosted by Rue Morgue mag would have enough gothy eye candy to make up for it. Not so. Only the stream of projected film clips (weirdo BDSM and light horror stuff) and a really good set by Lioness (albeit a set played to a half-full ballroom) distinguished this almost-party. KC
Celeb wattage: •
Fun factor: ••

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS AFTER-PARTY
Sept. 12, some Bridle Path Mansion
Subdued goats, mini Cobb salads and an in-house basketball court were mere fringe benefits at this celeb-studded soiree held at a glass mansion on the Bridle Path. The stars out included Jeff Bridges, Patricia Clarkson, Jason Bateman, Mena Suvari, Peter Gallagher and the big kahuna George Clooney (rumours abounded that HE was kissing caterers), but the Vitaminwater cocktails (the party’s sponsor) went down like Draino. A better party for people-watching than socializing, this was the most L.A. Toronto’s been (since TIFF 2008) and a totally surreal experience. The gift bag featured condoms and Vitaminwater: a good stock of hangover staples, one supposes. CL
Celeb wattage: •••••
Fun factor: •••

HOLT RENFREW PARTY
Sept. 12, Burroughes Building
Holt Renfrew is my favourite corporate party host because they understand my needs. When I rolled into the Burroughes Building beside the Big Bop on Queen Street (the party was on the sixth floor, but my paralyzing fear of sharing packed elevators with coked-up fashion professionals meant I made EYE WEEKLY arts editor David Balzer take the stairs with me and my big heels), I had a glass of decent white wine in hand right-quick, and later, eleventy Grey Goose martinis and mini candy apples with nuts that fell down my shirt. We got there too late, though: MTV it-girl Alexa Chung had already DJed, Coco Rocha had already introduced musical guests The Stills, and by midnight the room was devoid of A-listers: we got Snake from Degrassi, Kenny Hotz, Jessica Paré and Jian Gomeshi. And, as a fellow hack said to me in a sweaty corner, every party has either a Jian or a Shinan, and “if you get Jian, you’re at the wrong party.” KC
Celeb wattage: ••••
Fun factor: •••