LG Fashion Week report #3: opening-night notes

Well, that was one way to bring the drama: literally. After VAWK at the AGO and the annual scene-setting clusterfuck at Holts, LG Fashion Week burst open the official runway with a rat-a-tat of opening ceremonies last night. There was opera singing. There were Stratford Festivities. There was a flock of FDCC ballerinas. (Why? Can’t tell you. I’d stopped asking by then.) There were stage costumes, and there were contemporary Canadian designs, and — sadly? — you couldn’t tell the difference.

But first, a five-minute live commercial, basically, from LG Electronics — I’ve already talked about the tiny ironies of technology sponsoring fashion — and a 100th birthday show by L’Oreal Beauty. (They paraded hit looks from 1910 to 2010, so — spoiler alert! — We will all look like we got tropical-punched in the face, wear jersey dresses and hibiscus flowers, and listen to Beyonce.)

And then, if you didn’t believe me, the Stratford Festival came to Fashion Week and brought their own clothes. Four ghosts from productions past (“The Swanne,” for one) were followed by Canadian designer interpretations of the look: NADA, David Dixon, Ross Meyer, and GotStyle Menswear. I’ll spare you the play-by-play: just imagine leggings, silk taffeta, and ruffles, and then more ruffles, and you’ve got it.

For a show that made no fashion sense, it was kind of apropos. Comedy and tragedy befall Fashion Week in equal measures: just watch ex-Fashion File host Adrian Mainella reporting live from, er, his apartment this morning, all unbrushed hair and teeth and unbridled self-loathing:



And certainly, there’s a script in place — well, in every place save for Mr. Mainella’s condo — at LGFW in which every line spoken is really two. Let me interpret my favourites:

1.  When a style blogger spots JakandJil’s Tommy Ton at the Holts party, cocks a brow, and asks, “Is everyone still crazy over Tommy?”, it means, “Does Apple still do store returns for tear-damaged MacBooks?”

2. When social princess Ainsley Kerr swivels in her front-row seat to tell me, “You’re a good writer!” in a tone approaching awe, it means either: “I didn’t know blondes could spell.” Or: “You mean you’re sitting here because you work?”

3. When about a dozen people say, “Oh, wow, I like this shirt... thing,” it probably means, “Darling, where are your pants?”

4. When Fashion Television’s Mary Kitchen practices her at-VAWK throw five times, and it averages out to, “Hi! There are a lot of designers showing at the tents at LG Fashion Week, but some are choosing other places to show their collections off-site,” well, I’m not sure that means anything. But thanks for playing, Mary Kitchen.

5. And when I say, “Hell, I’m going to be late for the tents now,” I mean, “Hell, I’m going to be insanely late for the tents now.” Til tomorrow!