Love and Sex

Should I stay or should I blow?

by: Kate Carraway
November 25, 2009 2:00 PM
Comments: (9)

Trading sex for money isn’t much different from trading sex for a drive to IKEA

Let’s be real: sex isn’t always about the coming together of the hearts, minds and underpants-bits of two in-love individuals. Very often, especially once a couple has done it enough times, sex becomes a serious power centre that operates in a way that’s barely distinct from money.

The economy of sex is less obvious and more implicit when it’s not being paid for with dollars, but it’s no less of an exchange. An escort might charge around $200 for an hour of fucking, but what do you think is happening when you get laid after paying for dinner at Nota Bene, or after hanging up some bathroom shelves?

Looking at the professional spheres, we can compare the value of sex acts to the value of hiring pros to perform the non-monetary favours (often ongoing domestic irritants) that tend to factor into sexual relationships.

For instance: the $250 average open-market cost of mid-to-high range professional anal sex is technically worth the same amount as the $250 average open-market cost of hiring a professional mover with a truck for a few hours, plus tip. But when we’re having sex instead of paying for it, we can find deals: to many of us, it would seem reasonable to provide one extra-curricular hand job in exchange for a ride to IKEA, but such a cab fare (Beck Taxi estimates $60 from Queen and Bathurst to the Etobicoke store and back) is worth about two-and-a-half pro HJs. That’s value!

To determine whether or not a particular sexual favour is worth the doing, use this graph:

Since everyone would set a different price for different things, there’s a sliding scale (colour-coded on the graph). First, plot the potential exchange based on the real-world cost of the favour (a C-note for an hour of professional Christmas shopping at Sherway Gardens; $25 for around 10 minutes of a shrink’s time) and the real-world cost of whatever sex thing it is your paramour will request, hopefully with a smile, after helping you. Now decide your own curve: if you exist on the purple line (if you’re not so into the sex, and are averse to something like a non-obligatory beej), the blue line (if you can get down with anything more or less vanilla) or the pink line (slut).

If your exchange is above the line, you’re not selling yourself too cheaply. If your exchange is below the line, maybe keep your legs (or mouth, or whatever) closed.

The graph also works in reverse for those looking for sexual favours in exchange for services rendered — equal opportunity economics.