After over 30 direct-to-video episodes, a failed attempt at a feature, multiple albums, videogames, and live shows, VeggieTales have finally made it to the big screen. Following years of adoration in Sunday schools, the Christian CGI talking vegetables are being unleashed on the general public in The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything. All direct references to J-man and the big G (that’s Jesus and God in layman’s terms) have been removed and replaced by a secular pirate setting. But fear not VeggieTales fans: the unrelenting wholesomeness and nauseatingly obvious morals are still intact.

The plot is pretty inconsequential and revolves around Veggie-regulars Larry the Cumber, Mr. Lunt (sporting a delightfully racist and stereotypical Mexican persona), and Pa Grape being transported back to ye olde pirate days for a swashbuckling adventure that allows them to learn the true meaning of heroism and friendship. The pirate setting was clearly inspired by The Pirates of the Caribbean, but without any of the cartoon violence or suggested sexuality that “sullied” the Disney film. No violence here: when one character hits another, the contact is carefully edited out to avoid offending sensitive viewers.

While the movie is laughable for anyone over the age of 6, it certainly wasn’t designed for that crowd. A toddler or preschool audience won’t recognize what makes the jokes irritatingly tired, since they’ll be hearing the terrible puns for the first time. This is a difficult movie to review, because everything that makes it bad by conventional standards is exactly what the target audience will embrace. If you love VeggieTales, chances are you’ll enjoy this feature-length outing — although, chances are, you’re also probably too young to know how to read this review.