Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
The cataracts of winter are slowly peeling away from Pisces’ vision, affording a tiny glimpse into spring and all the melty goodness it promises you. Your year is finally aligning — it only took two months — and soon you may be ready to make those truly big changes that allow you to move forward with your life, shed past ghosts and even rent movies under your own account.

Famous Canadian Pisceans born this week:
Frank Gehry (architect, Feb. 28, pictured)
Norman Bethune (doctor, Mar. 3)
Alexander Graham Bell (inventor, Mar. 3)
James Doohan (Star Trek’s Scotty, Mar. 3)

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Daring Aries spearheads yet another crazy idea this week, and while it will have a good chance at changing the world, unfortunately it will only change the world of facial hair. Keep trying to make that difference.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
This week is decision time for Taurus: school or work? Boots or Converse? Keep cheating on your boyfriend brazenly all over town, or finally dump him and get the fuck on with your miserable existence? Frankly you’re going to take it badly no matter what shakes down, so you may as well have dry feet, spending money and no one else’s happiness on your conscience.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
The details count for Gemini these days, and they count in ways that mean you’d better cover your ass in every possible way — photocopies, webcams, super-spy kitties and all. Without a little corroboration, everything you believe might be true might not be true. In fact, it probably isn’t even true right now, but you really don’t need it disproven while you’re on the rag.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You have a tingling itch that you need to check in on things on the home front — maybe even to the extent that you need to actually make a journey to see for yourself. Of course, that tingling itch might just be the pinworms.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Everyone is very sorry, Leo. Very, very sorry about what they said and did, and they hope you will forgive them and allow them to earn your trust back. They are banking on your quickness to buckle under, but this is actually the one time this year it will matter to hold firm to your ideals, so please try to remember what they are and protect yourself.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
It’s a week of revelations for cautious Virgo: you finally have some idea what to do with your collection of bootleg Tragically Hip cassettes, as well as how to move forward in your sexless relationship. Getting all these roadblocks cleared will probably tire you right out, so make sure to at least stay hydrated to get you through this uncharacteristic period of productivity.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Libra is feeling receptive this week. Receptive to flattery, receptive to anonymous packages of drugs sent through the mail, receptive to everything but the harsh reality that your best friend is much more incredibly shallow than even you thought. At least they’re good at ping-pong.
 
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Scorpio has learned some tricks through the recent years’ struggles: one is how to talk so that you’re also being heard. You’ll find life is significantly easier using this model, particularly this week when you successfully suggest changes in the workplace that decrease your suicidal ideation by 24 per cent.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You’re still sloughing off the last bits of closure from that last long emotional ordeal, Sagittarius, but your slow-burn theory of healing will be accelerated this week when you meet someone so fantastic you almost want to stop hating yourself enough to love them.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
After talking about your big idea for literally hundreds of billable hours, you are finally bringing it to fruition this week. The celebration will be fantastic so long as you can take a few minutes to enjoy it in the middle of your flurry of second-guessing and regret. However, if your big idea was to open a Beaver Tails franchise, please skip the second-guessing part and move straight to the delicious, oily regret.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
Aquarius should take special care to nap this week and continue to make himself the sparkling, if self-centred, guy that made him so popular in the first place. It’s a good week for risk-taking, whether it’s ice climbing, sexual experimentation or finally checking your pile of utility bills.