Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Gullible isn’t the right word for you, Gemini. Maybe distracted and optimistic, brewed together to get you into just the wrong amount of trouble. As spring tries to kick into high gear, Mercury’s retrograde gravity is dragging your skirt-tails backwards, frolic though you would. Stay ahead of your Pollyanna daydreams just a bit, OK? Or you’re likely to get hit by a car.

Famous Canadians born this week:
Michael Cera (actor, pictured, June 7), Michael J. Fox (actor, June 9)  

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer is off dreaming right now — you’re probably not even reading this horoscope, having decided that you’re, oh, in love or something. Actually you’re just totally on the rebound, but hey, those fantasies can fill a lot of dead space when you really need them to.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
It’s almost like people aren’t trying to help you succeed this week, Leo — like they have their own agendas, or at the very least a real inability to see yours for the merit and sparkle you know it’s worth. Once again, take cold comfort in the fact that, when you chose to surround yourself with people stupider than you, it was destined to disappoint you at least some of the time.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
You’re not quite on the trickiest crag of the precipice yet, Virgo, but that crossroads between livelihood and propriety is being hinted at this week as you truly start to question whether it’s unethical to abuse your power and sleep with your summer intern, since, after all, they’re not actually on the payroll.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Although you may have had your bags packed for either a journey by land or spirit, you may wish to recalibrate your desires a bit more realistically this week once it becomes evident that you’re very seriously emotionally dependent on low-grade, coffee-flavoured chocolate bars only available in Canada.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Wee fickle Scorpio’s sending out waves of insecurity through her social world this week, as her repeated glances towards the door are detected by all. The very least you could do in terms of decorum is wait until the corpse is no longer warm, eh?

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You may feel your relationships to others are changing this week, Sagittarius. Or rather, you may feel others changing their relationships to you, in the form of blocking your instant messages, screening out your calls and defriending you on social networking sites. Was it something you said?
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
If it feels like you’re staring down the barrel of a long-overdue comeuppance, Capricorn, it’s because you are. Better continue ignoring that with a healthy dose of work-shirking, island beach-going, sleeping-pill-dependent avoidance. Why hit bottom yourself when it can just come hit you?

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
As usual, Aquarius has all his irons in the fire and has managed to master none of ’em — that’s OK, though, because your flurry of activity is so distracting people are starting to feel inadequate enough to ignore you. Maybe just focus on one thing this week, like paying your late taxes, or finishing that fresco you were in the middle of painting in the bathroom.

Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
Just as it seemed time to unplug the internets and settle down with a salty-rimmed something-or-other, your work world is totally catching up to smack you in the ass, Pisces. Without a little long-range planning, you’re going to keep hitting this wall again and again. And god knows you of all people could use a little more balance than you’re currently seeing. Step up and get sorted — at least some of your friends will still be waiting for you after it’s done.

Aries (march 21-april 19)
Frustrated Aries is stomping her heels and wondering what the delay is about already. Mercury’s trying to menace you, for sure — but your biggest hindrance is actually yourself. And those really super-inappropriate summer short-shorts. Where do you think you are, Rio?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
It’s totally time to play the lottery, Taurus. Not because the stars think you’re going to do well and have luck on your side — but rather because you may as well hold out some last sliver of hope yourself, Taurus, since neither man nor universal force seems to be able to offer it at this time.