I’m still on holiday this week, so here’s another round-up of old favourites from past columns. I’ll be back with fresh material next week.
How soon would I know whether a condom has clogged my toilet? I wasn’t able to prevent someone from flushing one, along with a paper towel to make matters worse. Do most condoms make it through the plumbing, and do most get caught in treatment? So far my toilet is not acting strange. SARA L.
In other words, Sara, when your boyfriend gets back from his business trip on Friday, that condom isn’t going to all of a sudden bubble to the surface of the bowl and betray your indiscretion? You naughty girl, but good for you for using protection.
“I’d be more worried about the paper towel,” says Cheryn Gervais, the senior communication coordinator with Works and Emergency Services, “but if it’s flushing properly, it’s unlikely that it’ll get hung up on something and come back up. If you want to be sure it’s not stuck, you can get a plumbing snake at the hardware store, and it’ll snake through the piping for about seven feet.”
In my experience, if a condom goes down in the first couple of flushes, it won’t come back. Most flushed condoms get caught in water treatment, are strained out and sent to landfill (which is why it’s better just to throw them out) but as I wrote several years ago, an estimated 100,000 of them sneak past into our waterways. This always brings to mind my favourite W.C Fields quote. When asked why he didn’t drink water, he replied, “Because fish fuck in it.”
Peking dick
For many years I have been intrigued by claims of certain scholars on the subject of Taoist sex, namely Mantak Chia, and Jolan Chang, about the serious implications of ejaculation on the male. Apparently, semen is a precious substance not to be taken lightly, nor spent freely. Conversely, I am informed by doctors that ejaculation is a necessary function of the male and should be encouraged on a regular basis, so as to prevent prostate cancer which is sometimes referred to as “the priest’s disease” for obvious reasons. Which is it? East or West? Do you have any knowledge about these claims of the Taoists? Is it all mysterious snake charming? What are the ultimate ramifications of daily ejaculation?
PEKING TOM DICK AND HARRY
As an unschooled and irrational rationalist, I’m hesitant to call millennium-old Asian sex practices snake charming, especially those with the resultant intention of encouraging deeper and prolonged pleasure. I will say that a lot of the research I’ve done into their theories on semen retention conflicts with some current scientific and chemical realities, and that I am erratically skeptical of any sexual practice that’s basis is esotericism.
With regards to the Western medical perspective you mention, yes, there is research that suggests frequent ejaculation, particularly begun in the twenties, is a panacea for prostate cancer. Although the study is considered speculative, it is quite extensive. [Since this column was published in 2004, these studies are gaining more credibility.] One piece of the theory is that carcinogens accumulate, and are concentrated in prostate fluid by virtue of its design, and when expelled regularly don’t have time to damage surrounding cell tissue. Carcinogens were probably never a concern of the early Taoists, as they were not hoofing back pounds of bacon and gallons of pesticides. Still, it is interesting to note that Asian-American men have the lowest incidence of prostate cancer. Diet, sex practices, physiology?
Many people who practice semen retention claim great results: increased focus and energy, being just two. It’s been my experience that many men who practice regular ejaculation rave about the same benefits.
Bottoms up!
I’ve been on a deep space journey discovering my bottom side. After an adult life being pretty much an obliging and in-demand top, this is a real adventure. It’s more than just something different to try, it changes the way I look at men and think about them. It also resolves a lot of petty anxieties — I really did need to get fucked. Are any books or videos that I’d do well to get? There was one website I found really useful [now offline]. The site also recommends a video called Anal Massage For Relaxation and Pleasure, which I’ll try to check out unless you’ve seen it and think it sucks. I was online chatting with a Montreal guy who claims he has a shortish rectum and can use his pubo-rectal sling muscles to “milk” (his word) the top half of a guy’s big cock while the whole thing is deep inside him. I’d love to corroborate, experience, or learn how to do that! BUM LOVE
I have not run across this practice, but I am never surprised at the corporal skills people acquire when they practice. I just watched John Waters’ film Pink Flamingos, and the party scene where the fellow pulls his legs over his head and does a gaping bronze eye dance is a real showstopper. Regarding Anal Massage for Relaxation and Pleasure: I have little patience for the West Coast approach to sexual health. The pedagogical, anti-shame enthusiasm leaves me dry. I know tonnes of people who just worship them, though, so I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend you rent, along with the oft-recommended Anal Pleasure and Health by Dr. Jack Morin, as well as The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent.
EMAIL SASHA AT SASHA@EYEWEEKLY.COM OR SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO SASHA C/O EYE WEEKLY, 625 CHURCH ST, 6TH FL, TORONTO, M4Y 2G1.