SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 21)
Scorpio is taking the opportunity of this birthday season to renovate: bathroom fixtures, hairstyle, taste in boys. Though change is always revelatory and productive for Scorpio, you’ll definitely regret the photographs associated with this time period later.

Famous Canadian Scorpios born this week:
James Naismith (inventor of basketball, Nov. 6)
Joni Mitchell (musician, Nov. 7, pictured)
Stephen Lewis (UN AIDS activist, Nov. 11)
Neil Young (musician, Nov. 12)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22-DEC 21)
Sagittarius wanted to shine through the remainder of autumn but is finding himself a bit bogged down; this is only natural, what with all the backstabbing lies you’ve told to advance your position.

CAPRICORN (DEC 22-JAN 19)
Realignment seemed like it might never come, but as you unpack your past for the long hard winter, it’s snuck up on you, conservative Capricorn. The loops and dips that have dictated your steps and heartbeats of the past month are slowly evening out, but not without you losing a few grand in the stock market first.

AQUARIUS (JAN 20-FEB 18)
The haphazard way Aquarius arranges her life and thoughts is shifting this week, at least enough to allow her to decisively rule out the $6 daily hot chocolate budget she’s been justifying because of the lack of functioning heat.

PISCES (FEB 19-MARCH 20)
Romantic entanglements begin to detangle this week for Pisces, for better or worse, as you either begin to see through each other’s lies, or decide to dismiss them altogether and enjoy a mutually suspended disbelief for at least another four more dates.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Aries may not need anybody to rely on, but he does need a financial advisor, especially now that he’s staring down the barrel of six months of particularly bad economic decisions made mostly in anger and out of spite. Did you really think that falafel cart was going to bring her back?

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
It’s a little harder than usual for Taurus to think straight this week, so the best course of action would be to simply shut up and listen until things make more sense. Keep in mind that this will require hanging out with people other than your usual friends.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
Though it seems like hibernation might be a positive thing for increasingly burned-out Gemini, in truth you have only a few short days left before your ability to communicate shuts down for the winter, so get your list of grievances on the table
while you’re still able to form sentences.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
The Saturn-Uranus opposition bumming everyone out right now may affect troubled Cancer the most this winter, as drastic, uncomfortable, systemic change will not just be advised but required to traverse this without getting your knees skinned and your heart pickled any further than they are already.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG 22)
Leo is getting royally screwed on the home and household front by the usual takers, but, as is often the case, he’s going around a bit too Pollyanne-of-Toronto-Gables to notice it. Check yourself, Leo, because someone is wrecking yourself.

VIRGO (AUG 23-SEPT 22)
Words don’t come terribly easy to Virgo — at least not words with any actual meaning or emotional import — but you’re finding them cascading from your lips this week towards just the right ears. It’s a small miracle what goji berries and fear can achieve in the right proportions.

LIBRA (SEPT 23-OCT 22)
Libra’s inborn need to provide diplomacy has left everyone but him in safe harbour this November, egging on a slow internal breakdown rarely seen in this placid division of the zodiac. The stars humbly suggest you drink a few hot toddies and draft your resignation.