Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
A bolder, less inhibited Virgo emerges this birthday month, somehow infusing your every action with increased confidence and panache. Unfortunately, you mostly choose to exercise this new bravado in da club, by making it rain on da hoes.

FAMOUS CANADIANS BORN THIS WEEK:
Kim Cattrall (actor) Aug. 21
Conrad Black (disgraced media mogul) Aug. 25
Rick Hansen (athlete) Aug. 26

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
Staying ahead of your inner monologue is more difficult this week, what with the slow-dawning realization that you actually really may be a bad person. Take courage in the fact that there will always be people to accept you, like intake coordinators and bookies.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Scorpio finally overcomes her fear of fried dough and rusty chains and lets herself go spiritually and physically this weekend. Much like the letting go of your innocence, you feel victimized, liberated and a little bit greasy.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
It’s not clear what you’ve gotten yourself into romantically (well, it’s not clear to you, that is) but it’s full of nothing but opportunity and promise. Opportunity for venereal disease and promise for heartbreak and betrayal, yes, but right now enjoy it while it’s still fresh.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
It’s not that your britches are shrinking, it’s that you’re finally growing (up) to fit them. Capricorn delights in being king shit this week, as well he should. That uncomfortable challenge you’ve been avoiding is probably on its way to your inbox right this very second.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
A recent resolution of what you’d thought was the problem proves, in the coming days, to not have been the problem at all, once you realize that the real reward for your achievements is being able to sleep at night, rather than having lots of handy drug money.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Pisceans continue their reflective and restorative August days, pausing just occasionally to crack open a fresh beer and ignore text messages from the only people remaining who continue to invite them out. It’s safe to keep tuning them out, as you’re quiet enough already that they haven’t actually noticed your wallowing withdrawal.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
As summer creeps slowly towards its death, Aries keeps her eyes on the horizon line: you have goals, and you’re not going to let anything hold you back — not life-or-death illness in your family, your best friend moving at the end of the month or international trade restrictions on the export of rare Asian peppercorns.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
What you’ve been craving for months is finally rolling up on you like a tidal wave of successes, Taurus, and in such quantity you’re going to have to make some tough choices. Can you really handle that level of fame as a session drummer for a Pursuit of Happiness tribute band? Only you truly know.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Gemini has been wandering around a little complacent, a little jaded of late. Exciting developments on your job front should change that this week, when you’re conscripted with the exciting new challenge of actually driving the chips truck.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer has learned to gracefully manage limbo — or rather, gracefully sustain it. This works for pretty much all involved in your personal life, as enough people will drift away from your frustrating attitude as to keep things interesting and unbalanced on a long-term basis.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You’re being financially rewarded for your hard work again, Leo, though it’s mostly because your employers are patronizing you into being just the kind of yes-man they’re grooming for Level II Scapegoat. Try making yourself feel better by cutting.