Aries (March 21-April 19)
Be wary of advertising goods you can't deliver on today. Much like the local resto that invited would-be Valentines to get it on in their washrooms, you hardly expect to be taken literally much of the time. There's no accounting for humour, though, and it's not a good day for backtracking.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The newest news in computer technology is still all about being mobile. Far from the visions of us all locked away behind glowing screens, we're taking pocket-sized computers with us. You won't be going anywhere though, Taurus, if you don't start to pay attention to those aches and pains. I'm sure you can log in from the doctor's office.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
An opportunity to take off will present itself today and you're not sure if you want to take it. A change of pace and a change of scenery are more than welcome, but you don't want to miss out on any action on the home front while you're gone either. Still, not having your cake and eating it too in 2010.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Reading a dense collection of essays penned by city bureaucrats and political scientists: a waste of time or necessary means of learning? Maybe both. Much of what's on your slate today is going to be boring and tedious and nearly unbearable. If it's what you have to do, though, then it's getting you places.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You're a week early for Valentine's Day, but there's no reason you can't get in a little pre-holiday warm up. In fact, you have absolutely no need for frilly lingerie, heart-shaped tubs or pink souffles to get in the mood. Twenty minutes, a door that shuts and a willing partner will more than do the trick — and you can ditch the partner in a pinch.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Cupid must have been taking in some target practice this past weekend because I do believe you are smitten. Whether it's a new love interest or just a fresh look at an old one, why not do something a little bit romantical today. I'm sure you can remember what romance is like, right? If not, there's always Google.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
Don't tell me that you missed Mötley Crüe at the Air Canada Centre last week!? You keep complaining about how you need to get out and do things with friends and about how your work and home obligations are consuming you, and you're right. There's lots going on, Libra, even if "Smoking in the Boys' Room" isn't in regular rotation on the iPod. No more excuses.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Between work and family and needy friends, I'm surprised you even find the time to shower these days. Work is really the biggie, though, isn't it? Some people might tell you that if you have more work to do than you have time, then you're undercharging. One's pay scale isn't always up for negotiation, I'm just saying. In any case, today equals busy.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You can't reinvent the wheel everyday, Sagittarius. You've made some recent strides in the career department and you can pretty much coast along for the next little while. Take advantage of the relative lack of stress at work to start some massive energy-intensive projects at home. Hey, I know you won't ever really take it easy.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You've heard that it's better to be first than better? Even if that's not always true, there's no reason not to try to get in ahead of the other guy. It's a planning day, Capricorn, so don't forget to consider the importance of timing. Nobody remembers who the second man who walked on the moon was.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
There have been a hundred years of Boy Scouts and Girl Guides now, so do you feel any better prepared? The trick to Scouts is to just go for the badges you're good at. Don't waste time learning to cross-stitch when you could have gotten all the outdoorsy ones, for instance. Same goes with life. Do you really need to be building your own shed?

Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
If necessity is the mother of invention, then you are about to start coming up with some awesome money-making schemes and quick. The truth is that you do need to pay your bills and sitting around waiting for someone to offer you more cash hasn't been working. You'll figure something out soon (because you have to) and then you'll be wondering why you waited so long.