Is the elusive hot bi girl just a threesome fantasy or does she really exist? Why is finding a young, interested (and NON-FLAKEY) hottie to join us in a threesome so damn hard? We have been trying religiously for two years on various online sites and by going out and picking up and haven’t had enough luck. It’s caused us stress and our relationship has lately been filled with angst and unfulfilled desires.
We love each other so much, we wouldn’t be into this if not — both of us recognize each other’s needs and are 100 per cent supportive. We have no restrictions, really; neither of us gets jealous and I am just as turned on watching my man fuck her as he is watching me. We are into this purely for the fun and sex and nothing more but if it feels great we would do it again with the same girl for sure, especially given how hard it is to find serious thirds. We are passionate and, I won’t lie, pretty fucking horny. All we want is to indulge a hottie in some sexy playtime. We are both hot, young, sexually charged and love women. How can this be so hard?
Do you have any suggestions from your own personal experiences? Do you know of other couples looking for a third going through this frustration? What are their strategies? Why are some girls so slutty with guys, but when it comes to a nice clean couple, they’re too shy? Please spare me any lectures on semantics, feminism and resist the temptation to comment on whether you think we are being “too picky,” or “needy,” or what is already obvious, like the fact that we can’t expect everyone to be into us both or to be swingers — we know. FLUSTERED FUCKERS
Let’s just get one thing straight here: this is my column and I probably started writing it before you could even count to three, so if you don’t want to hear what I have to say then don’t ask. Since you did, though, what I’m going to tell you to do is calm the fuck down. Nobody being approached for sex, no matter what the circumstances or configuration, likes to feel as though someone’s life is at stake unless they put out (barring military recruitment, which seems to make some people crazy).
You say you’re looking for nothing but fun, yet it sounds like anything but for your quarry, what with the spectre of angst and unfulfilled desires ever looming. When you were single, did you relish being stalked by ravenous, embittered tag teams? Honestly, this resentful attitude towards girls who are apparently so slutty with guys is very unattractive and self-defeating. Aren’t you sleeping with a guy? And don’t you want girls to be slutty with him? I mean, let’s have a little introspection here, especially when we’re demanding it, in caps no less, of our third.
People aren’t obliged to find your offer tempting and, frankly, I can see why they don’t. You probably started out thinking that your door was going to be banged down and, when it wasn’t, you began doubting your appeal, even to each other. Now you’re rushing about desperately trying to find someone to validate your charisma as a couple.
Presently it seems like the only go-between you should be enlisting is a professional. A good couple’s therapist will cost you about $130 an hour or, alternately, a qualified hooker should run you as little as twice that. If the idea of paying for help is beyond your convulsing egos or pocketbooks, well, you as much as said it yourself: you’re swingers. So get involved in the community — though this may be somewhat costly as well. One of my friends had herself a hoot at the new Wicked a few weeks ago and they’re picky (to see what this means exactly, look at their website www.wickedclub.com) about who they let in, looks- and age-wise — though standards for flakey or forlorn can’t be vouched for. Doormen are not handing out Proust Questionnaires after all, they just want to make sure everyone’s tans are fresh and they’re not too fat. Whatever you choose to do, again, just take it easy. Eau de Frantique stinks.
House and ho
I have been thinking about women in the escort/stripping business and wondering if it is hard for them to get mortgages. I am a woman in the mortgage business and would like to help women in the sex industry buy their own homes and qualify for mortgages. What would you think would be the best way for me to reach them? Is there a magazine or newspaper that is geared to this business that they read regularly? Any suggestions you have would be great. I work with a mortgage company that is great at getting mortgages for people in this type of business. JOANNE
You’re a smart lady, Joanne, and you’re correct in assuming that a lot of sex workers feel disenfranchised from the professional world and need encouragement navigating “legitimate” business terrain. As you yourself are aware, it’s fine to sell earth, but dirt’s another story. The advertising page at $pread online also keenly notes, “Sex workers are one of the few consumer markets with a significant disposable income that remains untapped by most advertisers.
Twenty-five years ago, the LGBT population was an untapped market; now it represents one of the fastest growing consumer sectors in the country. Sex workers are the untapped market of today.” If you want to advertise in print, check out $pread at www.spreadmagazine.org.
I emailed a couple of women I know in the business and here’s what I got back from them in terms of online communities and message boards:
The big resource for strippers from out west and Ontario is www.nakedtruth.ca. Annie Temple moderates this site and you can contact her directly through it. If you plan on working internationally, there’s also www.stripperweb.com.
For escorts, try the Toronto Escort Review Board at www.terb.ca. Many Canadian cities have a parallel service — there’s merb.ca in Montreal and perb.ca on the Pacific coast. I would also look at the Sex Work Assistance Guide at www.sex-work.org.
You might also think about presenting a workshop for one of our local sex worker rights groups. Get in touch with Maggie’s at 416-964-0150 or The Sex Professionals of Canada at 416-364-5603 and see if they’re interested.
EMAIL SASHA AT SASHA@EYEWEEKLY.COM OR SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO SASHA C/O EYE WEEKLY, 625 CHURCH ST, 6TH FL, TORONTO, M4Y 2G1.