How effective are cock rings at maintaining an erection longer? I have also heard that they can offer a different pleasurable feeling than going au naturel — is this myth or truth? Also, what model would be best to stimulate the clitoris? My girlfriend and I are quite curious about this since she has never managed to orgasm through intercourse, though she has no issue when it comes to oral or self-stimulation. HOPING FOR AN O

I can see where your logic is going: if you maintain an erection longer, your girlfriend will have more time to focus on having an orgasm during penetration and then for the next five months you guys can spend several frustrating hours a week adding a competitive edge to your sex life and tainting her current orgasmic technique. (I’m just warning you that this might happen so please pay careful attention to how you go about achieving this.)

Keep your eyes peeled for a cock ring that has a vibrating attachment on it (for examples see www.extremerestraints.com/the-o-wow-vibrating-cock-ring_2417.html). It looks like your girlfriend might stimulate her clitoris via the tip so you’ll want that portion of it attended to while you’re penetrating her. Different people have different experiences with different sex toys so experimenting is often the only way to tell what might work for you. Some men report no prolongation with a cock ring while others love them. And some guys will tell you no matter what they do, the sight of a girl bucking and screaming on top of them is enough to make them ejaculate out their ears in under 10 seconds.

CHOmPING AT THE CLIT
I have questions about vaginal orgasms (defined as without clitoral stimulation). I read (probably from an unreliable source) that only 50 per cent of women have them. Is this a myth or can you “practice” to learn how to get them? I am at peace with my sexuality in general but I can’t achieve vaginal orgasms so far, with or without a partner. I know approximately where the G-spot is and have been experimenting with a vibrator, but it’s a bit of a challenge without the clitoris involved. Any tips? Were you always able to have vaginal orgasms or did you start out with clitoral for a while? VAGORGASM VIRGIN

Well, it’s a good thing you’re coming to reliable old me then, because obviously I have given you the brilliant idea that a) I have indisputable statistics on vaginal orgasms and b) I have them myself.
You do not start out with clitoral orgasms then move on to vaginal ones as though they are some sort of advanced sexual state. The clitoris is not the training wheels of the vagina and its structure runs far beyond the tip, suggesting that even vaginal orgasms engage its support.

Admittedly, when I was young, I had orgasms during what could be described as unassisted penetrative sex. I know now that this was because I was too shy to tell someone to go down on me or use a vibrator and I focused like hell to grind on any available surface. I can’t believe I was able to get off on a thatch of bristly pubic hair — my determination amazes me.

Now I am comfortable coming on my own terms and I do not sleep with anyone who grudgingly hands me a vibrator as though it is an unmitigated insult to their cock. And at the risk of being indiscreet, if any penis were created with a presumed eye to what would give a woman an unaided penetrative orgasm, it is the one I have access to now and, still, I want additional stimulation. Boys, just trust us: the penis would be a mighty unwieldy object if it alone were designed to provide for all women’s orgasms.

Do you enjoy cooking? If so, do you pore over cookbooks with their meticulous recipes and mouthwatering photos of completed meals? Even if you do not, you do understand the obsession and necessity of having cookbooks if one is interested in food preparation, right? Then why, pray tell, does someone as concerned about female orgasm as you are not seem to have several books describing the female sexual anatomy? Help make my job obsolete, Vag! The V Book is one that may interest you and, more generally speaking, The Guide to Getting it On.  

SHANGHAI HOPES
A few times over the past few years I have gone to sex workers of various trades for erotic fun. Generally I have met very nice people and they seemed to be doing OK (no obvious substance abuse, genuinely cheerful), but some I encountered did not seem to be entirely happy.

I am speaking of a couple of girls I met at Asian massage parlours. They had almost no English and one in particular seemed pretty unhappy. I stopped what was happening and just tried to be kind to them and let them know about Maggie’s, but their English wasn’t up to understanding even the general concept of a Toronto sex workers’ resource. Is there any effort being made by Maggie’s and/or others out there who help sex workers to actually deal with the massive Asian influx in Toronto? I don’t doubt there are many young Asian girls in this city who are in a very bad situation and who have no one to turn to. CHRIS
 
Maggie’s has been seriously discussing creating postcards that will have Chinese characters on them to address the needs of one segment of Toronto’s Asian sex-worker population. Maggie’s is not an exit program, of course, but offers outreach and support to sex workers of all backgrounds. I will let you know when this project gets underway and how you can access the cards.

EMAIL SASHA AT SASHA@EYEWEEKLY.COM OR SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO SASHA C/O EYE WEEKLY, 625 CHURCH ST, 6TH FL, TORONTO, M4Y 2G1