I don’t intend to start a philosophical debate about prostitution. I doubt we’ll find a proper philosophical resolution to the issue in a single column. I did look up this “Maggie’s” organization, though, and noticed they don’t offer an exit program, but only tips on how to avoid dangerous clients and how to duck STDs.

Now, back to letter writer Chris’ unhappy hooker (“Shanghai hopes,” Feb. 7): Does he really think her unhappiness stemmed from thinking Chris may be a dangerous customer, or that Chris may give her an STD? Her unhappiness most likely stemmed from the fact that she had to jerk off/be fucked by some unknown wanker for a hundred bucks. Chris should probably ask himself what he wants: a truly “happy” hooker, or a better actress? Thing is, I’ve also met a bunch of “genuinely cheerful” hookers who are sad/apathetic in intimacy, not “sucking cock” intimacy, but true intimacy.
The definition of a truly happy hooker doesn’t exist. A happy hooker would truly be into the sex, but if she genuinely enjoyed the sex, she would not ask to be paid for it. I, at least, have never charged for truly enjoyable one-night stands. I simply said, “Wow, that was great.” MINERVA

Let’s be honest, Minerva. It was never your goal to start a philosophical debate about prostitution. Your goal was to preach and grandstand and you’ve done a fine job of that.

Speaking of jobs, I can assure you that whatever employment you do retain would seem equally unscrupulous and/or tedious to a fair percentage of our country’s sex trade workers. Moreover, some hookers have likely done labour akin to yours and thought, “This is totally demoralizing. I’d much rather suck a dick.” Maybe they even do your profession as a hobby (let’s say you’re a cook or a tax accountant) and get great satisfaction out of it. It would likely not even occur to them to judge a person for making money off what they cheerfully do for free. I can’t believe I have to ask you this but since your parents had such overreaching ambitions when they named you, I must: are you happy at your work? If so, does this mean you should not be paid for it? Minerva, you fucking dolt, you haven’t charged for one-night stands because you are not a prostitute. (Many prostitutes don’t charge for one-night stands either when they’re not working.)

On the consumer end of that very obvious fact, some people don’t have the luxury of unpaid one-night stands, or perhaps they worry that they might stick it into some confused bitch who left her tin-foil helmet at home and they want to avoid this possibility by maintaining a certified distance.
Chris is not a wanker. Simply put, he is like millions of decent men, a customer of the sex trade. As such, he deserves to have an exchange where he doesn’t feel like he’s raping someone and potentially lining the pockets of traffickers. As someone who uses emotionally and physically intimate services like massage and psychotherapy, I wish for my providers to be content and enthusiastic, too. Since I respect them as professionals (and am paying them significantly more an hour than I make) and I assume they have willingly chosen this line of work, I don’t see why they should feel and act anything but. Chris obviously also understands that there’s no HR department at massage parlours and escort agencies, and there are some workers who would rather not be there. It would really help if people stopped conflating them with all sex workers.

I don’t even know how to address the issue of apathy and sadness in sex professionals and their intimate lives because, as a sex columnist —?and really just as a friend and a sister and a daughter and fucking person in this world — I see so many people who are apathetic and sad in their sex lives regardless of their profession. It just makes me want to cry and scream and lie on my living room floor drinking gin and listening to “Strings of Nashville” by Pavement over and over.

One thing you say is correct, however. We can’t resolve the philosophical debate around prostitution in one column. We can resolve it in one word: decriminalization.

Boy-lesque
Ever since my uncle snuck me into my first burlesque show when I was 16, I’ve been going to burlesque shows whenever I have the opportunity. At most burlesque shows, though, nine out of 10 performers are women. While I have no problem with this, I feel like there is a whole realm of untapped potential in male burlesque. With male burlesque acts, you could explore an entirely different side of sexuality and gender. I’ve been looking into starting up an all-male burlesque troop. I have no real burlesque experience myself, other than some unplanned audience participation, and very little theatre experience. Despite that, I’m enthusiastic and willing to do whatever it takes. BENJAMIN PALEY

Benjamin, I’m concerned that you imagine there is money involved in this endeavour, so let’s first disabuse you of the notion that you will be highballing around in limousines with a pair of borzois flanking you and a cluster of half-naked boys wrestling on the seats and floors. Let’s also discuss this whole “realm of untapped potential” and “entirely different side of sexuality and gender” of which you feel the public is being deprived by the absence of a male burlesque troupe, which would probably just end up looking like Weimar Chippendales (to see what I mean, go to www.sfboylesque.com). I am, of course, playing an important role — the jaded naysayer. You have no experience in theatre, burlesque or managing… are you crazy, kid? With no qualifications, you have little chance of convincing a group of boys to do what they can do better without a clueless middleman. My own experience working with biological men in burlesque has been rewarding but harried: the no shows, the hysterical phone calls from bathhouses at all hours, the niggling impression that their own creative work is more important, the never-ending boyfriend drama… honestly, just you wait for my book. (And no, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.)

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