Being a man, I can’t say for sure, but I gather that for many women there is extraordinary pleasure — a unique fullness — derived from the insertion (vaginal and/or anal) of objects larger than even the above-average penis. Yet you took a shot at porn’s “attractive young females … having a baseball bat pulled out of their asses followed by three limes and a grapefruit.” OK, so you’re exaggerating a bit, but not by much. Your tone, however, seems on the critical side. So set us straight — is all the stretching, fisting and gaping solely for the hungry, extremist eyes of men, or is it reflecting that a lot of women get off on it? MACK

I think it’s more accurate to say that you think I took a shot at the fact that you derive pleasure from these graphic images. This is a letter I get a lot, the “I suspect you criticized some sex I am already unsure about enjoying and I need to defend my desires.” Regardless, I was not condemning these women, the acts they perform or anyone’s appreciation of them. I was simply being realistic about the way money is doled out in porn and I used a not so far-fetched example (for proof, see Belladonna’s body of work and, while I have you, check out the lawsuit against John “Buttman” Stagliano at www.tinyurl.com/5ojlah).

But Mack, the key word here is “perform,” and I’m afraid in that regard there’s no setting it straight. I’ve been watching porn for over 20 years and I’ve seen women clearly not enjoying having their ass or pussy reamed by, say, a Zamboni; I’ve watched films where they obviously love it; and I’ve watched women so entranced with being filmed that you could ask them to do anything as long as the camera was on; and I’ve watched women you simply couldn’t read, but don’t think I don’t notice you carefully paraphrasing sex-positive writer Deborah Addington’s fisting book A Hand in the Bush to support your longing to see these images.

Yes, it is true that while some women adore this sensation — I’ve shaken hands with their cervixes myself — the important thing to understand is that porn, like any industry, is created to satisfy its consumers (many of whom are also women), not its workers. If I think of my own personal experiences in this medium, particularly one in which I fucked a woman with a large, awkward object, I can tell you we spent most of the time greasing it up and experimenting with it before we carefully filmed the scene. Did we enjoy ourselves? Well, we fulfilled the script without blowing up anyone’s vagina and that was pretty exciting. Sometimes it’s just as mundane as that.
You say that being a man you “can’t say for sure,” but you share with us ladies the perfect barometer for pain and pleasure: an asshole. Remember, flared base, lots of lube.

new age of innocence
I am 14, going on 15, and the guy I have a major crush on will be 18 really soon. We’re scared to date because of statutory-rape laws. Does this apply to us? He’s a nice guy and I just want to be with him, but he doesn’t want to date me because we both think that in a few months we’re illegal. I live in Ontario. SAM

I’m not surprised you call what is known in Canada as sexual assault by its American term — statutory rape. I only found out myself two weeks ago that the age of consent has been changed from 14 to 16, when I wrote a draft of a column blithely answering your question by directing you to the Government of Canada website, which still contained its former policy. My editor, Edward Keenan, said I might want to brush up. Yikes.

Though the new age of “protection,” as its being called, seems to have been snuck in on an omnibus bill that also contains gun control laws (hurrah! Let’s keep conflating teen sex with coercion!), it is slightly more rational than I anticipated and, for you personally, it will not have an impact. I’ll just go through it briefly. The age of consent has been raised with a few provisions. People under 16 having sex with someone within a two-year age difference of them will not face criminal charges, and there is a close-in-age exception for 14- and 15-year-olds having sex with people up to five years older than them. This means, Sam, that you are free to have sex with your boyfriend and he is free to have sex with you without fear of being prosecuted as a sex offender.

Kim Martyn, sex educator and author of the great little book All the Way: Sex for the First Time, says that educators and clinic workers don’t ask partner age (and don’t have to) unless they are concerned there is a case of coercion or pressure. So, young people, please don’t worry about accessing birth control and sex advice. And www.scarleteen.com remains an excellent resource.

Love bits
Everyone wondering what’s up with Average Walking Cliché (our dating website for normal people), our web-hosting contract has run out and Sean Pajot and I are having a serious redesign discussion. Any feedback is welcome.
 
EMAIL SASHA AT SASHA@EYEWEEKLY.COM OR SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO SASHA C/O EYE WEEKLY, 625 CHURCH ST, 6TH FL, TORONTO, M4Y 2G1.