“What do you wanna do then?”
“I wanna dance!”
This iconic scene in Dazed And Confused will play out throughout your university experience. How else do you expect to de-stress from essays, exams and roommate drama?
Nab your dance-floor make-outs in the darkened quarters of the Dance Cave (upstairs at Lee’s Palace, 529 Bloor W. at Albany, www.leespalace.com), a venue that — on Mondays, plus Thursdays to Saturdays — plays like a grownup seven minutes in heaven. DJ Shannon keeps a packed crowd moving to a soundtrack of alt-bro indie (MGMT, Kings of Leon, most iPod commercial jingles), CanCon (Arcade Fire and old BSS), and ’80s favourites (The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode). Most importantly, cover is free with your student ID card, with cheap beers and jello shots available at the bar.
For a more refined playlist, the nostalgic head to warring ’50s/’60s dance parties Goin’ Steady (The Boat, 158 Augusta at Wales, check www.myspace.com/goinsteady for dates) and Shake A Tail (every Saturday at Clinton’s Tavern, 693 Bloor W. at Clinton, 416-535-9541). Playing a fierce mélange of ska, rockabilly and classic rock, both fashionable evenings will guarantee an experience worth your $5 cover, plus the perfect opportunity to dust off your vintage gear and booty-shake to The Trashmen’s “Surfin’ Bird.” Once in a while, Goin’ Steady goes Chronologic, playing hits from 1890 to 2009 all throughout the night. The lads of Shake a Tail ante up your requests, with an immaculate collection of iconic ’60s classics.
But sometimes you just wanna freak it to ’90s hip-hop. The queer-positive Big Primpin’ (at Wrongbar, 1279 Queen W. at Elm Grove, http://primpin.blogspot.com, $5) lets it all hang out once a month, while the old-school Yo! Jamz (at Augusta House, 152 Augusta at Wales, http://yojamz.blogspot.com, free) steps it up to Biggie, Tupac and TLC. If The Doobie Brothers are more your thang, dust off your deck shoes for a monthly Yacht Rock night (The Boat, 158 Augusta at Wales, $5). Or swing by 751 for promoter Steve Rock’s Motown-soul and Slayer metal nights (751 Queen W. at Euclid, free), as nothing’s better than slamming down a 50 in the venue’s suburban-basement environs.
But of all the opportunities to get down, Jeremy Finkelstein’s Loving In The Name Of monthly (at The Gladstone Hotel, 1214 Queen W. at Gladstone, 416-531-4635, $5) is certainly the most high concept. Staged in a glorious ballroom with working cover band The Best (occasionally fronted by ex-Death From Above member Sebastian Grainger), the night features renditions of "the greatest songs of all time" (e.g.,: Bruce Springsteen’s “Born To Run,” Boston’s “More Than A Feeling,” Prince’s “Purple Rain”).
But if that’s not surreal enough for you, feast your eyes on former teen TV stars-turned-DJs Spike and Caitlin at the monthly In Between Days ’80s party (Annex Wreckroom, 794 Bathurst at Bloor, www.theannexwreckroom.com, $5) and relive your fave Degrassi moments. Those eager to play DJ can book a 20-minute set at Matt Blair’s monthly Everyone’s A DJ Night, held at Blossington outpost Disgraceland (965 Bloor W. at Delaware, http://everyonesadj.ca, free).
The moral of this little lecture? Keep away from Richmond Street (and any party your college hosts) and dance like no one’s watching. Dudes, remember to ask a girl before you grind away; an unwelcome dry hump is not an invitation to romance — it’s a felony.