Giving the one-finger salute —?er, that should be the one-star salute — to an album is never pretty. But of all the discs to cross our desks in ’07, these deserved it the most:

PRETTY RICKY
Late Night Special
If Pretty Ricky catches on, sex itself may start to seem distasteful.
DAVE MORRIS

MATTHEW GOOD
Hospital Music
Poet, musician, activist, political blogger: is there no beginning
to Matthew Good’s talents?
PAUL ISAACS

DRAGONETTE
Galore
The only time Martina Sorbara sounds remotely convincing is
when she sings: “Wash me / god,
I want to get this off me / if you want to love me, stop me.”
MICHAEL BARCLAY

A FINE FRENZY
One Cell in the Sea
I’m unsure who this Lilith-y throwback is being peddled to but one thing is certain: the majors sure are adept at shovelling out indie jibber-jabber to peddle the same old crappy crap. HELEN SPITZER

SALLY SHAPIRO
Disco Romance
How freaking cold does it have
to get up there in Göteborg, Sweden to make cutesy girl pop totally, frigidly unenjoyable?
CHRIS BILTON

ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI
Places Like This
Imagine Modest Mouse’s Isaac Brock with the lyrical skillz of Simon Le Bon, trying to recreate “Love Shack.” And then try to scrub it from your eardrums, because if Places Like This exist, baby, I don’t want them to. HELEN SPITZER

PUSCIFER
V is for Vagina
Is this some Jungian exercise in Maynard James Keenan projecting his unconscious Suck in order to purge its negative influence on his Ego? CHRIS BILTON

ALICIA KEYS
As I Am
Of course there’s a motivational girl-power anthem called “Superwoman.” Pass the kryptonite. CHRIS RANDLE