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Perri on
“I will leave the witty Britney jokes and ponderous State of the Music pronouncements to others this year. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope that the Sandro Perri virus spreads from this infection point to epidemic levels across the land.”
CARL WILSON

Ella-eh-eh-eh
“I haven’t been this hooked by an umbrella since The Gong Show.”
 JOSHUA OSTROFF

“Infectious as Ebola. A boss of the 2007 pop mob. Let’s just be glad that Céline Dion didn’t get her hands on this one first.”
BILL ALEXANDER

“No joke, I never even heard [‘Umbrella’] on the radio or TV — I only found out about the catchy gem by people blaring it at the stoplights outside my apartment. The beat is pretty much forgettable and the song could’ve fallen in the lap of any other pop strumpet, but I just couldn’t get the damn chorus out of my head. What the hell-ah, ell-ah, ell-ah, eh, eh, eh?”
NOEL DIX

“It took me about a minute to get tired of ‘Umbrella,’ and the rest of the summer to avoid having to hear it again. I don’t know what’s more awkward about the song: having to listen to Rihanna pretend she knows how to sing like she possesses some remote reggae influence, or being forced to hear Jay-Z do his skuzzy pimp spiel, which reminds me of Homer trying to rap on The Simpsons. ‘In anticipation of precipitation…’ — are you kidding me?”
W. ANDREW POWELL

In rainbows connection
“Did anybody not download the new Radiohead album in 2007?”  KEVIN KELLY

“For the longest time, I was mishearing a key line [in “House of Cards”]: ‘Forget about your house of cards’ as ‘forget about your house and car’ (comical in view of the title — duh), and from there, taking notice also of the bit about collapsing infrastructure, I figured they were warning me not to become too attached to the material possessions that fill up my life, because at any given moment they could all disappear. Seeing as that’s something I think about on a regular basis anyway, I guess you’d call it a wilfully creative misinterpretation. The words are just window dressing anyway, as they basically are on any great pop song; it’s the exquisite coloration of everything enveloping those words that draws me in.”
PHIL DELLIO

“Time will tell whether the newsworthy release of In Rainbows will garner a place in the rock ‘n’ roll history books, but as a Radiohead album it will certainly take its due place alongside the band’s uncompromised roster of some of the finest rock records ever to hit the shops (or servers).” BILL ALEXANDER

“It was hard not to view the whole Radiohead pay-what-you-can digital album download hype as nothing more than a case of the emperor’s new clothes. Lost among the fanfare and the earnest pontifications about whether this was a breakthrough (a.k.a. a new template for the music industry) or merely a calculated stunt, was a discussion of the music itself on In Rainbows. Unfortunately, Radiohead’s latest marks a further step back to the conventions and clichés of indie guitar rock. This is an album that will please all those conservative music fans who worship unintentionally hilarious acts like Arcade Fire and Bruce Springsteen.”
RICHARD MOULE

Boss hog
“Hipsters wake up to the mightiness of Springsteen — too bad the album [Magic] is a dull and greasy piece of fish-wrap that’s unworthy of the furthest edge of Darkness on the Edge of Town.” JASON ANDERSON

Feist is nice
“IPod shmiPod — I can watch that ‘1234’ video over and over again.” FRANK YANG

“Leslie Feist is an amazing artist and a fine human being and I don’t begrudge her a shred of her success, but surely there’s at least one other Simpsons fan out there for whom ‘1234’ serves as a debilitating trigger for memories of the faux-Raffi (or ‘Roofi,’ as a certain bearded bard of the preschool set was once lampooned onscreen) childrens’ — ‘One, two, tie your shoe / Three, four, pick up the floor’ — that drove Maggie and the rest of the toddlers of Springfield to an Altamont-styled riot a few seasons ago. No? Well, when you’ve done your research and put ‘12…’ and ‘One, two’ together, welcome to Hell and, please, don’t knife me.”
 BEN RAYNER

“‘1234’ is a joy, sweetly swinging to an arrangement worthy of Busby Berkeley, but the rest of that album’s a snooze. Feist has a fine voice, so why do her chanteuse leanings result in airy background music?” CHRIS RANDLE

“Feist: not a bad album, but she helped lend credibility to anyone who wants to wear a sequined cat suit to Sneaky Dee’s on a Wednesday.” MATT LITTLEFAIR

“Pure, potent magic from start to finish, The Reminder is more than just a great album; it’s a defining moment in the history of the Canadian music landscape.”
BILL ALEXANDER

“Look, I love Apple products as much as the next person, and the wholesale snorting up of the French chanteuse act? Well, I’ve always looked the other way on that one. But this whiff of pseudo-hippie-bohemian careerism is getting a little overpowering. (I know, I know, I’m a nasty anti-patriot who can only criticize a poor hardworking Canadian’s success.)” BILL REYNOLDS

“Banjos and finger-snaps will forever haunt my dreams.”
JOHN PAPAMARKO

River runs through it
“The consensus seems to be that [Okkervil River’s] The Stage Names doesn’t match the grandeur and majesty of Black Sheep Boy and [because of that, it is] not as good as its predecessor. This is unfortunate because, in truth, it doesn’t try to match Black Sheep Boy. Instead, it steps out of the library and goes to the movies and, in the process, turns in Okkervil’s tightest, most rocking effort to date.” FRANK YANG

“I’ve been keen on Okkervil River from the beginning, but always with some reserve, since they were often plagued with overwrought-artiste-in-a-college-dorm affectation. This was the one where they kicked themselves in the ass and lived up to their own expectations.”
HELEN SPITZER

Solid Fortress
On Miracle Fortress’ Five Roses: “No one outside Griffintown saw this one coming, but it wormed its way into the coldest of hearts with its icy sweetness.” HELEN SPITZER

Not missing in action
“M.I.A. was easily the most dazzling and radical artist to hit in 2007. Kala was an intoxicating global soundclash, full of bamboo-stick house beats, didgeridoos and an Aboriginal adolescent hip-hop crew. Standout track ‘Boyz’ was the year’s most irresistible party anthem, featuring thunderous Indian temple drums and a deliciously subversive refrain: ‘How many no money boyz are rowdy / How many start a war?’ Given that M.I.A. was even listed as a threat to US homeland security, she’s clearly pushing the right
buttons.” NICHOLAS JENNINGS

“Recorded across the developing world and intended to ‘put people on the map who never seen a map,’ Kala sounds like nothing less than Third-World war. Hands up, $20 guns out.” Joshua OSTROFF

Atlas hugged
On Battles’ “Atlas”: “A hallucinogenic romp through the enchanted forest, cheerfully guided by Snow White’s helium-addled dwarves. Try it on the elliptical today!”
HELEN SPITZER

“Seemingly inspired by the pop genius of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, the chipmunk-like vocals and catchy rhythms of ‘Atlas’ make it the indie-rock hit of 2007.”
SHAWN DESPRES

Down with downloads
“BEST DOWNLOADS? 1) Who; 2) Really; 3) Cares?” MICHAEL BARCLAY

“MP3 blogs increasingly resemble a feedback loop of mindless hype, but one of them was the best music site I found all year. Awesome Tapes from Africa is run by an ethnomusicologist, and it shows: the digitized cassettes he posts are rich in context (many of the Ghanaian songs posted are built around cheap synthesizers because an ex-president imposed taxes on traditional instruments) when most music blogs are just racing to attach the latest leak. My pick from this year’s tapes is ‘Mama Africa’ by the Black Monkz, a lo-fi rap crew who held a Ghanian funeral for ODB. Hearing a bunch of guys in Accra take cues from the Wu-Tang Clan made me excited about the internet again.” CHRIS RANDLE

Fallen Soulja
“The bizarre, babbled mess that is Soulja Boy’s ‘Crank Dat’ shows that the most fucked-up moments in modern music are no longer found at the subterranean level, but rather, at the top of the Billboard charts.” CAM GORDON

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I want to do anything but crank dis!”
 BRUCE LEPERRE

“Many thanks to Soulja Boy for mainstreaming yet another cute slang phrase for a degrading sexual act. How do all the hos reading this feel about being Supermanned?” JORDAN TIMM

“Naming your album after your website pretty much says it all. Remember when selling out used to be inexcusable in hip-hop? Now it seems that making songs direct-to-ringtone is the norm in mainstream music, and the kids are eating it up like potato salad at a picnic. You wanna go ‘pop goes the weasel’? You know you should be rockin’ the fans with something diesel. I wish it was 1992 again.” NOEL DIX

Tears for Spears
“Blackout? More like Meltdown.”
 BRUCE LEPERRE

“Who knew Britney was such a charitable human being? She’s done a great job of making the paparazzi buckets of cash and has provided Perez Hilton and a slew of talk show hosts with hours of material with each of her mentally unbalanced fuck-ups. Here’s to Britney taking crazy to even more unthinkable levels in ‘08!” SHAWN DESPRES

“Wonder how batshit Britney wound up strapped to that gurney? Peep ‘Piece of Me,’ her Eminem-esque response (‘I’m Miss bad media karma / Another day, another drama’) to the year’s flashbulb-fuelled madness. The dark disco track is a mind-blowing, body-moving amalgam of dirty-ass electro synths, orgasmic squeals and bottomless beats. But it also boasts the year’s most despairing lyrics — who cares who wrote them? — as ‘Miss American Dream since I was 17’ relates her trapped-by-paps nightmare, bitch-slapping the media (and by extension, the rest of us) while subtly admitting her own complicity in the refrain, which the possibly bipolar pop star sings as both threat and plea.” JOSHUA OSTROFF

Spoon fed
“Spoon are so good that I hold their albums up to more rigorous scrutiny than most other merely great pop bands. Near flawless songs and their best album since Girls Can Tell.” HELEN SPITZER

“In 2007, Spoon laid claim to the fact that they are, always have been and always will be, the balls.”
MATT LITTLEFAIR

You! Me! Winning!
“High on the list of things I love about Los Campesinos’ ‘You! Me! Dancing!’ is how it feels like two songs circling around each other; in the first, it’s the girl who harbours the deep dark secret abut her own lead-footedness, while in the other the guy’s off in his own stratosphere blithely frugging here, there and everywhere. It’s a subversion of expectations as gratifying as the climactic graduation dance scene in To Sir, with Love where Sidney Poitier lurches around like the Incredible Hulk while Judy Geeson makes like Ginger Rogers.” PHIL DELLIO

“Me, the first, second and 26th times I heard this: ‘How! Utterly! Silly! And! Yet! Completely! Fantastic!’” SCOTT WOODS

The white stuff
“‘Led Zeppelin reunion’ doesn’t compute: one guy remains very much dead, and while a few deaths don’t preclude a high school reunion from advertising itself as such, one in a four-piece rock group is one over the limit. I bet the White Stripes’ ‘Icky Thump’ does a better job of honouring the original anyway — such an impressive wall of galumph that, at 46 years of age, I had to reteach myself how to air-guitar before I was fully able to commune with it.” PHIL DELLIO

“Has any other band won over the entire country quite like the White Stripes did this past summer? Whether playing in a bowling alley in Saskatoon, a bus in Winnipeg, a flour mill near London, or a single chord in front of a baffled mob in St. John’s, it was clear they were having as much fun as the fans were. I’m willing to bet the spirit-crushing drive from Thunder Bay to Sudbury played a big part in driving Meg White off the deep end.” ADRIEN BEGRAND

“After a brief Prince trip, Jack White brought back this generation’s Led Zep with a slew of killer guitar riffs, a wallop of raw power and the gloriously blood-curdling danger rock has been missing. If he hadn’t already recorded Elephant, this would be the White Stripes’ opus. White topped off his year with a knee-slapping portayal of a demonic, mumbling Elvis in Walk Hard. He’s the man.” JOHN SEKERKA

Weight on his Joel-ders
“Sloan’s classic line, ‘It’s not the band I hate, it’s their fans,’ used to apply particularly well to The Tragically Hip. Nowadays it’s Joel Plaskett’s cross to bear and his single, ‘Drunk Teenagers’ has unintentionally galvanized the fact. If only there were room for some irony under all those fitted ballcaps.” CHUCK MOLGAT

Go West
“‘Stronger’ has a great chorus, catchy beats and fantastic production. The only thing holding it back from potentially being the song of the year is Kanye’s verses. It’s no secret that Mr. West’s mic skills are mediocre at best, but clearly his lyrics need help as well. I can picture him with pen in hand going, ‘Hmm… what rhymes with “Kan like”? Got it – “Klondike” and “blonde dyke”! Damn, this thing is writing itself — better make room for another platinum record on the wall!’” SHAWN DESPRES

Before Sunset
“Carl Newman, you’ve had a long reign and no one will ever question your brilliance, but Spencer Krug has officially taken your place as the West Coast’s new Prince of Pop. What was simply a side project has now become undeniably central, as Sunset Rubdown’s recent productivity has actually made it easy to forget we’re all waiting for a new Wolf Parade album.” BRIAN PASCUAL
Like, so whatever

“Avril is like, so whatever. We can all do so much better. Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your record!” SHANNON WHIBBS

“While admittedly brain-sticky as bubblegum, the girl-hating lyrics of ‘Girlfriend’ removed Lavigne’s faux-Winona mask to reveal her as the uber-bitchy Heather we always suspected she was.” JOSHUA OSTROFF

“Re: ‘Girlfriend’ — I loved ‘Sk8erBoi,’ which was clever and catchy in a pop-punk, fast-moving kind of way. Now Avril’s gone for whiny vulgarity, thinking it makes her sound tougher. I guess it does, but the thing is, there’s tough and then there’s tough and stupid.” BILL REYNOLDS

“I love smart rock music as much as the next critic, but every now and then I need a good sticky-sweet pop song, and when it comes to those, Avril is the bestest.” W. ANDREW POWELL

Like a fine Winehouse
“Amy Winehouse is my favourite train wreck ever. You just have to keep on rooting for her because she’s the real deal. She’s so tiny and fierce that I just want to carry her around in my pocket until she claws a hole in it, escapes and kicks my ass before passing out.” SHANNON WHIBBS

On “You Know I’m No Good”: “Well, can’t say she didn’t warn us.” JOSHUA OSTROFF

“Though not my personal top single, ‘Rehab’ was unquestionably the unofficial theme song of 2007, the year our cultural consciousness was hijacked by pathetic play-by-play coverage of the drug-fuelled disasters that pass for entertainment these days. As Winehouse’s woes ballooned greater than her beehive, her rebellious song turned into an irony-free cry for help, screaming at us from the Top 40 while all we could do was sing along — ‘No, no, no…’” LIISA LADOUCEUR

“Amy Winehouse may be the ultimate rock ‘n’ roll tabloid character as she channels a volatile mix of Courtney Love, Britney Spears and Shane MacGowan. She’s a train wreck looking for a bad rail, the most likely casualty of the year, and most importantly, the kick-ass rockin’ soul singer of the moment, bar none.” JOHN SEKERKA

Super Soundsystem
“LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy looks like he got up one day, didn’t shower and then made ‘All My Friends’ while wearing sweatpants. Beat that, skinny jeans and irony!” MATT LITTLEFAIR

Secret Arcade
“The buildup to Arcade Fire’s Neon Bible was like being in high school and hearing from your best friend how awesome it is to get head for the first time. Listening to the record was like finally convincing your girlfriend/boyfriend to go down on you only to get yourself tangled up in her/his braces.” MATT LITTLEFAIR

“Let the too-cool kids turn their backs — Neon Bible was as big and brash as Mount Royal’s giant illuminated cross.” JOSHUA OSTROFF

National treasure
“The National’s Matt Berninger is the Leonard Cohen of indie-rock, singing about people throwing money at each other in guest rooms, professionals and their beloved white shirts or simply trying not to think about his dick. How could you not want to go drinking with this guy?” CHRIS BILTON

Maida mess
“The ‘organic’ video for Raine Maida’s ‘Yellow Brick Road’ is the most embarrassing stab at self-awareness since Rod Stewart posed with some flaming garbage bins in the clip for his cover of ‘Downtown Train.’ The video contains about as much grit as a cotton ball.” CAM GORDON

“I’ve always wondered what Raine Maida’s inflated ego sounds like. Turns out it’s a sing-talker.”
JOHN PAPAMARKO

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