Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
The solar eclipse of the 7th is all you needed to tip that ball into the net, Aquarius. On top of your ability to totally dominate a room (if not an individual of your choosing) and your improving party skills, you should be able to shut down conversations just by looking askance at the people involved. Too bad those people were the only ones left who would talk to you.

Famous Canadian Aquarians born this week:
Adrienne Clarkson (Governor General, Feb. 10)
Leslie Nielsen (actor, Feb. 11)
Lorne Greene (actor, Feb. 12)
Melinda Mattos (EYE WEEKLY’s Love & Sex editor, Feb. 13)

Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
It’s a sluggish little fish that swims the Pisces stream this week, hiding from the winter chill and birthday stock-taking with a warm blanket and an unhealthy dose of intoxicants. You’re slowly coming around to an idea of how to crawl out — but the stars lay even odds that you’ll continue to ignore said inspiration because Lost is back on again.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your hard-spent energy alienating people through erratic and aggressive behaviour has been reaping dividends for months now, Aries, but you’ll have to start winning them back if you want collaborators in those hare-brained schemes of yours. That pretentious art installation you want to do underneath the Gardiner ain’t gonna fund itself.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You hate letting yourself get off-message, Taurus, but it’s going to be a week of distractions for you — shiny things, pretty smiles, hot girls going by on sexy bicycles, insider trading advice on Apple stock, etc. This is all part of the greater cosmic plan to get you to fuck up your big ideas for home and romance, which are totally misguided and without a future.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Your mind has been elsewhere for most of 2008; if only you felt you had the power to truly escape, your body might be able to join it. Luckily your suggestibility will allow you to at least feel like you’re moving forward, even if it is only through reiki or hallucinogenic mushrooms or being unhealthily hung up on your ex.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Remember that $600 your sister’s boyfriend loaned you that you thought you weren’t going to have to give back? You’re going to have to give that back. Possibly along with interest, your pride, a sense of good humour and an ounce of good weed.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Your connections to others seem to intensify this week, Leo, just strongly enough for you to feel you’ve finally mastered human nature or something. You haven’t. It’s really only because you’re so needy that it feels that way.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Virgo’s career is finally on track, blowing up like a flour refinery and an errant cigarette spark. In fact, the brightness of your success is so overwhelming you might want to stand back and let other people make you rich for a while. They could also get you a latte while they’re at it.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
We’re all happy for your happiness this month, Libra, but you’re going to have to stop kissing in public. It’s unbecoming of someone in your line of work. That is unless your line of work is the pornography industry, in which case it’s actually kind of charming to see you do something not fully penetrative.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
The revolving door of your comfort zone revolves again this week, Scorpio. One can only hope that that includes the clearing up of old wounds and bad blood — and that the bad blood will not be the result of a horrible kitchen knife accident.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
There’s no telling what the winds of winter will do to Sagittarius’ fantasy world. Instead of deluding yourself into thinking you can achieve something unattainable, try dreaming up more practical goals, like finally getting a
drummer.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You have finally attracted the attention of your object of desire, Capricorn. For some of you, that will be the adorable bartender, barista or valet parking attendant you’ve had your eye on for months. For others it will be a Yorkshire terrier, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

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