Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
The full moon welcomes Pisces into yet another week where what the world is asking of you seems so much more cryptic than, say, what the box of leftover Chinese takeout in your fridge is asking of you. However, a better sense of self will emerge late in the week, when you have no other options left but to clear your agenda for at least long enough to figure out whether to order cable.

Famous Canadian born this week:
Manon Rhéaume (first woman in the NHL, Feb. 24)

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Sometimes you’re so impatient you don’t see the options around you, but only the blur of what’s going past. This makes it extremely hard for Aries to differentiate between feelings of exhilaration and the total seasick-like feeling that indicates what you are doing is terribly, terribly misguided.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Taurus is unilaterally inspired this week: from the daunting task of installing a bathroom shelf to Googling venture capitalists for your mail-order knit-puppet business, you are truly aiming high. You won’t even need to ask your sister/girlfriend for advice more than six times an hour during this flood of excitement — that’s a 50 per cent reduction in the need for handholding!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You haven’t really recovered from your­self yet, Gemini. It’s not that the six months of insomnia weren’t good for you, but combined with the dependence on your own ego-inflating shallow conversation and thrice-daily doses of Emergen-C, you’re a hollow shell of an astrological sign.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer is poised to gang up on even the nicest people and screw them over this week — luckily you’re good at finding similarly ambitious and amoral associates with whom to share the dirty work and project your feelings of guilt and blame onto after the fact. The good news is you’ll probably be rich by then!

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Leo’s demand for attention has occasionally impinged upon her ability to be fair to others, but you’re unusually balanced this week for someone so needy. Consider making a donation of your time or your woodworking skills to someone or some cause that you consider worthy, or at least one that will make people compliment you a lot in front of hot chicks.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Virgo’s dreams unravel a little this week, which is not so out of the ordinary, but this time you’ll be hard pressed to deny things are truly going south, especially when the arson inspector shows up in the morning.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Those five long years of acupuncture in a sketchy Spadina basement are finally paying off, Libra, when both your attitude in the workplace and lymphatic system are suddenly drained of bad humour. Too bad about the permanent nerve damage, though.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
All those months of wishing
you were dating somebody were only part of the universe’s brainwashing process, Scorpio — just to lull you into desperation long enough to get suckered into something really unbalanced and unhealthy. You’ll be stubborn enough to try to force it to work until at least spring.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You’re not even sure who you are anymore, Sagittarius — it’s like you’ve been alien-abducted (which is actually your secret fantasy, including the anal probe). But in the morning you’ll realize you simply switched places with your mom Freaky Friday–style.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Although you prefer to listen to facts instead of friends, you might make an exception this week and admit that a few people you’ve been keeping around for their looks might actually be able to make a contribution around here. Whether you let them contribute to anything beyond deciding on dinner is yet to be determined, but hey, baby steps for the rigid.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
Your stock is higher than ever, Aquarius, in no doubt due to the fact that you have a sparkling personality. And a car. Consider getting something in return for other people’s sheer pleasure of just being around you, like horse racing advice or cheap dental care. 

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