You are likely aware of the loss of one’s libido through anti-depressants in order to keep from sinking into the depths of despair. I was put on Prozac after an accident and in 12 years  I’ve had sex the number of times I would like to in six weeks. The silver lining is that I remember too well how horny I used to be and how frustrating that was. I’m sensitive and couldn’t bear not hearing from someone I had sex with ever again. I would get attached and my feelings got hurt when the guy I cared about didn’t call or would make a date just to cancel, or worse, stand me up.

I have been out of the game because you can’t get hurt if you don’t play. Yes, it’s hurting me in other ways. I don’t feel human. I’m starving for sex and affection. My drug of choice has always been food. So I’ve been hiding behind an overweight body that has made me, for the most part, sexually irrelevant. Also, I’m dry as a bone. I went to several doctors who said there is nothing to be done because the hormones women take to counteract that are very dangerous. Using lubricants isn’t sexy for me. I want my partner to know that he turns me on and I get wet from his touch and so on. Yes, I know I can assure him otherwise if I tried, but I want to get wet naturally.

I want to get off Prozac, lose the extra weight and deal with my appetites — sexual and food — but how? I haven’t had sex in two and a half years. Exercise helps only a little and psychology hasn’t. I’ve tried several doctors and therapists who didn’t help at all and I don’t have the money to pay for massage and acupuncture.

There has only been one guy who satisfied me. I’m attached to him emotionally but he is bad news and hurt me too badly to go back to him. If I was the type who could handle a fuck friend, I would, but that is not me. I’m not attracted to anyone else except one married movie star. Any suggestions as to how I can get healthy and enjoy a satisfying, regular sex life would be most appreciated. OUT OF TOUCH

You’ve basically emailed insisting I cannot help you — so I’ll try not to — but let’s also be realistic about who I am on the guidance continuum. If a cavalcade of physicians and therapists can’t help, what do you think I have hiding in my skirts? Looking over your catalogue of grievances and the immediate evidence you submit that you’ve tried in vain to deal with them, it seems all you really want me to say is, “Your issues are insurmountable. Let me just get out my time machine and take you back to before your accident.”

Pulling yourself together after trauma is a bitch because no matter how much expert intervention you engage in, in the end there you are: sabotaging, harping and immobile. Even if you could afford the healthcare that is out of your reach financially, it’s futile if all you really want is to be unbroken. Regardless of the hand you’re dealt, life takes a lot of discipline. You certainly have it in you — you seem admirably committed to failure — but you need to apply it differently. Sucks to turn the car around when you’ve already gone so far in the wrong direction, doesn’t it? 

It feels like you had your accident at a very crucial time in your sexual development (evidenced by the fact that you describe being attracted to a married movie star as though it’s the married part that makes the relationship unfeasible). In my experience getting “attached” to someone is very different than actually liking someone or requiring that they like you. “Falling” in love is different than being in love. And writing off lube? That’s just crazy talk.

Start researching sexuality with a more realistic eye. Two books: The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability (which also deals with non-visible disabilities) and Paul Joannide’s Guide to Getting it On, as well as his indispensable website at www.goofyfootpress.com/menu.html. The section on Sex and Drugs may be of particular interest to you.

Soft serve
I’ve started sleeping with a friend of mine and, while he is fantastic in bed, there is one problem; his dick doesn’t get hard enough for me to have vaginal orgasms, which I quite enjoy and would love to experience with him. It’s not a size issue — he’s bigger than the last guy I slept with who had no problems pounding my g-spot, and neither of us are inexperienced or shy about trying new things and experimenting with different positions, but none of them have done the trick yet. At first I thought it might be an issue with me because I had gone through a dry spell of no cock for almost a year and figured I just needed to get used to it again instead of the feeling of hard plastic, but I don’t think that’s it anymore. I know for a fact that he can be pretty rough when he masturbates and he waxes his cock so could this be affecting his hard on? Are there any positions we should try? NEEDS A POUNDING

Dicks are different, one and all, but there are definitely some medical/health reasons — diabetes, drinking, smoking and age, to name a few — for a softer one. I’ve yet to read about waxing as a cause, though it is possible to damage your penis with a pump, so it depends on what you mean by “rough” masturbation. Only a trip to a urologist could tell you for sure.

For a simple physiology lesson on the penis and how it gets erect see the Scarleteen article at www.tinyurl.com/2tbkmr. Have a look at Paul Joannide’s work mentioned above, too, and www.jackinworld.com for boundless male masturbation lore.

Positions? Reverse cowgirl, if you haven’t tried it. A good old fisting might be just the thing, too.

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