Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
The culmination of a long, long process of underappreciated hard work is yours to celebrate this week, Pisces, when what you’ve been slaving over is finally completed much to the excitemnet of all around you. Your friends are really impressed that you managed to build that whole miniature ship inside that glass bottle.

Famous Canadians born this week:
Brian Mulroney (former prime minister, March 20)
William Shatner (actor, March 22)
Agnes Macphail (Canada’s first female MP, March 24)
Martin Short (comedian/actor, March 26, pictured)

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)
The grey slog of winter makes for strange bedfellows, Aries, as you may find yourself trying to cozy up to adversaries, farm animals — really whomever is handy. Try to moderate your constantly uneven temperament with the knowledge that happiness and companionship are actually much easier than you have decided they are.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Check out the full moon, Taurus — it’s telling you to get off your tuckus, your tushie, your ass, your arse. Whatever it is you call it where you come from, it’s slowing your stubborn existence down. Well, that and your inability to take responsibility and/or look people in the eye.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Some call it “being outgoing,” others call it “being wildly, incredibly needy” — take your pick this week, as your desire for human connection (be it across the café counter or strapped across your thigh) reaches its highest peak of 2008 so far. The nice thing is that you’re secretly so repressed you probably won’t make any irrevocable mistakes.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer, the only thing you juggle more awkwardly than your own moods are your duties to your family and loved ones. This week, you’ll find them easier to manage, thankfully, due largely to the introduction of one of those robot vacuum cleaners and a brand new bottle of tequila.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Leo, you’re going to have to set aside that workahol and reluctance and thaw out the credit cards again: you’re going to be called upon to step into action at any second. Without a little (more than your normal) bravado, someone else might swoop in and take away this rare opportunity for you to star in the Canadian version of America’s Next Top Vegan Ethnomusicologist.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Although you may have a (well-deserved) reputation for fantasy sports and frozen dinners, this week sees Virgo as somewhat of a renaissance man. A renaissance man entirely unable to close the deal with anyone he remotely wants to impress, but we can take these things in baby steps.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
What Libra needs to remember is that sometimes playing at the extremes of life is actually crucial: rather than letting the see-saw teeter to that same boring place you prefer it in, maybe allow life to catapult you into something really, really uncomfortable, just for your personal growth and edification. I mean, worst case, you get a rash.
 
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Just when you finally had a burst of energy and inspiration to cut through your indulgent winter lethargy, Scorpio, the world has conspired to shut and slow you down. From uncooperative transit to crushes who won’t fuck you, it seems hard to get anywhere this week: but don’t worry, at least transit will start working better soon.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
The line between panic and excitement is a fuzzy one for the archer, but you manage to err on the side of inspiring at least once this week, when you steamroll a whole bunch of people into some end-of-winter enthusiasm. And hey, at least not all of them will actually fall through the ice.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Capricorn spends a fair amount of time coddling herself, but
this week will take it to the extreme when you actually start stitching comforting homilies on pillowcases while in your
aromatherapy bath. Luckily, as the month and week draw to a close you’ll quickly return to your usual wild and crazy triple-checking, seatbelt-reprimanding, coupon-clipping self.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
This week highlights communication for Aquarius, meaning that the usual endless stream of babble you’ve come to call your identifying characteristic (if not career) may actually be listened to by influential people. Not people with influence over anything you care about, but maybe it will impress your mom.

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