I am interested in getting into porno but not as a star. I want to do music for adult films because it could use some changing up in my opinion. People making it seem clueless about new trends. BRIAN

Here’s the way porn works: are you a young attractive female willing to let someone film you doing everything from standard missionary intercourse to having a baseball bat pulled out of your ass followed by three limes and a grapefruit? No? Then you work for free. If your job is not integral to the fucking, you can forget about making a living wage. The one thing that would change this on the music end is if you had huge mainstream recognition and that had an impact on the notoriety and subsequent sales of the film.

Generally, the music in porn doesn’t suck because people making porn are clueless, it sucks because they don’t care about the music. However, there are some filmmakers who do want their movies to stand apart from typical pornography and the music in their films reflects this. Eon Mckai is one. Jack the Zipper is another. And someone like Richard Kern, who recently made an adult film called Extra Action (And Extra Hardcore), even got his pal Thurston Moore to do the score. (Richard Kern you may know from his laboured art photography. Thurston Moore you may know from his laboured art music.) Still, the problem here is that there is a clubby element to these collaborations, like, “Oh I’ll just get my pal Thurston who I’ve been making videos with for 20 years to do this project.” You may not have the same long-standing friendships or enticing reputation with people who make porn.

If you’re interested in it strictly from a creative perspective, then by all means get in touch with the directors above and see if they won’t accept a sample of your work. Locally, you could talk to Todd Klinck. “Goodhandy’s has been shooting erotic wrestling videos every week since we opened,” Todd wrote in an open-call email this week. “We have never given much thought to copyright issues because the music playing during our scenes is just background music, documentary style, because we are shooting in a live nightclub. But the time has come that we would like to start involving people who would like to contribute their music to our work.” Goodhandy’s is not offering money, but they can offer web links, musical credits on the content and free porn. You can contact Todd at info@mayhemnorth.com.

Good For Her is also hosting its annual Feminist Porn Awards at the Gladstone on April 4, which may be a good place for you to meet some amenable alt-porn insiders to talk about getting your work into films.  See www.goodforher.com/Feminist_Porn_Awards/FPA_s_2008.html for deets.

Bodice drippers
I am a member of a sort of Victorian Science Fiction group. I was discussing diseases with one of the members and I got to wondering just how many active sexually transmitted infections are out there right now. DON

Lyba Spring of Toronto Public Health cracked open her big book of STIs for us and first divided them into four categories: viral, bacterial, protozoan and fungal and ectoparasitic. Some of them, upon further research, do indeed sound like they’d make harrowing plot devices for some prurient turn-of-the-century sci-fi, so here we go. First, under viral: genital herpes, cytomegalovirus, Epstein-Barr virus, HIV/AIDS, human papilloma virus (HPV), viral hepatitis (A, B, C, D and G) and molluscum contagiosum. Under bacterial: chlamydia trachomatis, lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV), neisseria gonorrhoeae, treponema pallidum pallidum (syphilis), endemic syphilis, chancroid and haemophilus ducreyi, donovanosis (named for the doctor who discovered it and not the folk singer), genital mycoplasmas, shigella, salmonella, campylobacter (enteric bacterial pathogens) and bacterial vaginosis (BV). Under protozoan (including intestinal protozoa) and fungal: trichomoniasis, giardia lamblia, entamoeba histolytica and vulvovaginal candidiasis. Under ectoparasitic: pubic lice and scabies.

Lucky for us, most of the STIs listed are now completely curable or, at the very least, treatable. The couple of clinic workers I spoke to at Hassle Free Clinic said neither knew of any that had been eradicated (smallpox is the only human infectious disease that has) but Spring says syphilis — all the rage during your era of interest — nearly was “before the spike in urban centres?about five years ago.”

Reworking sex work
Your column is getting easier to skip, as it’s always about prostitution and stripping. Mix it up a bit, will ya? CHRIS

Looking at the last several columns, I see many topics addressed: loss of sex drive, anal sex, clitorises and grammar, dick size, Asperger’s and sex, toy toxicity and porn film recommendations. Intermingled with all of these topics is the very relevant issue to a sex column of sex work. This occupation remains stuck on the fringes because of unreasonable laws and poorly understood since it is so often conflated with trafficking so naturally people are very curious about it. Still, instead of complaing, why not write me something?I can research that doesn’t involve sex work?

Email Sasha at sasha@eyeweekly.com or send your questions to Sasha c/o Eye Weekly, 625 Church St, 6th fl, Toronto, M4Y 2G1.

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