At its heart, Speed Racer couldn’t be simpler — it’s a manga-fied Talladega Nights about a little boy who dreams of going really, really fast. But its very existence constitutes an interesting paradox. Andy and Larry Wachowski’s adaptation of the hipster-approved ’60s Japanimation series about a heroic young driver and his gear-headed family succeeds within the strictures of its conception, yet is an abject failure — one of the most enervating movies of the year. 

The fault, of course, lies in the conception — who wants to watch an anime populated by flesh-and-blood characters? Not that the actors in this hyper-stylized dud are permitted much humanity. The talented likes of Emile Hirsch (as the eponymous velocity junkie), John Goodman (as his righteously mustachioed father) and Susan Sarandon (as his steadfast mom, natch) have been directed into giving flat, cartoony performances, so as to blend in with the candy-coloured backdrops. There isn’t a frame here that hasn’t been worked over (and over) by an army of digital artisans, and they’ve certainly nailed a “look” — the problem is that it’s exhausting to watch (and to listen to). The presentation is so assaultive that it dulls any appreciation for the work that went into achieving it. Speed Racer wears you down to the nub. (Note to Warner Bros.: feel free to use that on the poster).

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