Gemini (May 21-June 20)
It has been a truly tumultuous spring for Gemini —?largely in self-affirming ways but also in a few really cataclysmic, motorcycle-breaking-down-in-the-rain ways. You’ll regroup soon enough in order to throw yourself back into your fantasy baseball league with a renewed joie de vivre.

Famous Canadian born this week:
Alanis Morissette (musician, June 1)

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
There are a lot of ways to gain enemies in this world, Cancer, and messing around with money between friends is a really, really good one —?but then, you were always a fan of Occam’s razor. At least this should free up more of your summer evenings.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Life of the cookout, you are. This comes in handy over the weekend when you realize all the people around you have allowed children, career and venereal disease to really sap the energy out of the crowd. Keep on carryin’ the team!

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Virgo has a new perspective on life at the onset of June — which is to say, after months of cloud-dwelling, Virgo finally has some perspective. Whether or not this will offset the mistakes she has already made (relationship-ending fight-picking; self-tanning cream) will not be in full perspective for a few months to come, however.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Let’s worry, shall we, Libra? Just as all your gallivanting little friends are enjoying the bicycles, iced coffees, warm beers and ill-fitting tank tops of summer, you’ve finally come to terms with the fact that, internally, you may actually be falling apart. And I don’t mean your psyche: get that spleen checked.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Mercury backwards? Neptune backwards? Scorpio at both a crossroads and a standstill? Yes, that’s you —?paralyzed with both a bird in the hand and two in the bush and all looking equally appealing. Actually those birds are downright sexy.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Here’s a nugget for Sagittarius to chew on this week: you have no, genuinely no, idea how you come across to people. Yes, yes, you think it’s all out in the open —?but truly it is hidden under several layers. Usually of Jägermeister. 

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Ah yes, building your empire one grain of sand at a time, Capricorn — it’d be to the frustration of others, were you returning their calls. Right now is a time for precision, focus and trying desperately not to fall prey to telemarketing scams. Godspeed.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)
Just because you’re a chatty Cathy doesn’t mean you’re naturally lucid, Aquarius. Work on your being-comprehended skills this week before you lose your audience completely. And no, flirting over text message does not count as communication practice.

Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
A window of opportunity seems to have opened in Pisces’ love life this week — or was that a rearview mirror? Either way, you’ve got your mind in the gutter again, which in Pisces tends to be a pretty attractive place to keep it. Good luck and don’t forget to at least show up at work every now and then.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
You haven’t really known what you’ve wanted for some time, Aries, which is just as well considering your interest in the outside world tends to be fleeting at best. Take this Mercury retrograde period to allow you to dwell on all the missed opportunities that come from being so scattershot.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Waiting things out only seems fun when it’s on your terms, Taurus. Try to convince yourself that you’re the one calling the shots, since you have a whole lot of waiting to do before you’re ever going to be happy again, and you may as well at least enjoy the illusion of control.

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