Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
There are phases in life when shit is so insane it’s actually acceptable and preferable to abdicate all responsibility. This is one of them and, for at least the weekend, you should revel in the knowledge that you have no control whatsoever over the fact that people are both plotting for and against your world takeover.

Famous Canadians born this week:
Bob Rae (politician, Aug. 2)
Jack Warner (co-founder of Warner Bros., Aug. 2)
Evangeline Lilly (actress, Aug. 3, pictured)
Maurice Richard (hockey player, Aug. 4)
Tom Thomson (artist, Aug. 5)

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Maybe it’s time to demand a little more out of a love relationship? Or so your partner thinks. Look: you’re not expected to be the leader. But you are expected to be competent enough to make decisions as complicated as which kind of salad dressing to use. Man up and pitch in at least 15 per cent of the effort here, eh?

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
All that financial stability you started to dream big on in July is slowly acquiring that veneer of realism this week, as Libra realizes that six years of back taxes probably are going to affect your plans to open a frozen-banana stand.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
A solar eclipse is the last straw to singe right through the thin thread attaching Scorpio to reality. Out with the plan and in with the drama for this queer-tempered sign — it’s nothing a few weeks of antidepressants wouldn’t cure, if only you believed in anything except your id.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
A sense of dusky stability has settled over your job front of late, which should provide you all the rejuvenating forces you need to grapple with the absolute nightmare that is about to befall your home life. Admittedly it will be your itchy feet that instigate this nightmare, but free spirits aren’t known for their self-control.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Capricorn has a tendency to trick people with that veneer of fastidiousness and linearity — in truth, you’re a crazy SOB, just as likely to run off with the carnival as that flakey cousin of yours from Brantford. Actually, your cousin is more balanced.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Sorry, Aquarius. You do need people, as progressive and enlightened as it may sound to claim otherwise. This week opens the beginning of a series of buildups and letdowns that could fill several summer paperbacks, at least the kind written by creative, neurotic people who fall in love too easily.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
The beginning of August may feel like the end of winter to some Pisceans, as emotional backwash you never truly rinsed out may sting the throat a bit while you question whether you meant to do what you did a few months ago. (Or, in most of your cases, whether you meant to do what you passively never tried to prevent from happening.)

Aries (March 21-April 19)
If you feel a ticklish rumbling in the underpinnings of your life, Aries, they’re only going to vibrate more this week as you enter a new period of deep satisfaction and frustration in your personal connections. Unfortunately the person that brings these feelings of satisfaction and frustration will only be reliable at making you feel those things on alternating days.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
I hope you have been keeping your wildest dreams in check of late, Taurus, because otherwise the last weeks of summer are going to be a wildly unpleasant surprise.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You can’t choose your family, Gemini, but you can choose whether or not you stop speaking to them out of abject spite and pettiness. In light of recent events, you’ll feel confident that this is, in fact, the right choice.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’ve been holding the match in your hand for some time, Cancer. This week you’ll have cause to light it, and even the balls to do so. Stand firm in your convictions even when your fingers get a little burnt, OK?

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