Every time my partner and I make love he has to rinse his schlong right after, otherwise I burn him. I literally burn his manhood. The skin on his schlong gets irritated for a couple of days afterwards. If he rinses off right after, he does not get irritated. We both have annual medical exams including screening for STIs! My doctor has not been able to shed any light on this either. I don’t know if my foufoun is too acidic for him or is there such a thing as incompatible sexual organs/fluids? I thought perhaps it was linked to my menstrual cycle, perhaps I get a bit acidic right before or after my menstrual cycle. I was wondering if you have heard of such a thing and if so what we can do fix this. SINGEING COOCHIE

Let’s assume you’ve established that this has not been a problem for either of you in your sex lives until now. Given that when your boyfriend washes post-sex he doesn’t get a rash, let’s look at two things: a sensitivity to your vaginal juices or to the lubricant you may be using during sex. If it is a lubricant issue, try using something like the unflavoured versions of Hathor or Good Clean Love.

There is such a thing as incompatible sex fluids but you’ll find more information on it going the other way — a yeast infection that manifests after someone ejaculates their sperm (sperm is super alkaline, with a pH of 8) into your acidic vagina, throwing off the delicate pH. If this doesn’t sort itself out after a little while, it may be indicative of a semen allergy (see www.coolnurse.com/semen_allergy.htm).

A healthy pH sits at around 4.3 (which, by the way, is the exact acidity of a glass of tomato juice). There is a home test available to determine whether it has gone above that, which would indicate that you might have an infection like yeast or BV. The problem with this test is that, at the moment, it is only available in the States.

If your gynecologist cannot provide you with a test to measure the acidity of your vagina (because a more alkaline vagina could be a problem, too) I suggest you inquire with other sources, and perhaps consider opening up your and your boyfriend’s health care to complementary medicine like a homeopath, a naturopath or a dermatologist. Lyba Spring at Toronto Public Health says she has heard of sensitivity to vaginal fluids but was unable to find any clinical information about it. Keep your boyfriend washing his wiener post-sex and I’ll let you know if anything else comes down the pipes on my end. And just so you know, your vag is less acidic before and after your period, not more.

Where my peeple at?
I had a girlfriend who enjoyed peeing on me when we had sex. I found it weird but used to enjoy it and I thought nothing of it after we broke up. A few years later, I have developed a fetish for it and I feel I won’t be happy sex-wise unless I find someone with the same interest. I’m kind of a wuss and really don’t have the guts to bring that up to a girl. I’m considering trying the gay and shemale scene as I’ve heard it might be easier.

Am I a freak? I’ve searched the web for forums and discussion boards with no success. Is there somewhere on the web or the actual world where I can meet people who share my fetish or am I destined to search for internet porn? Other than my weird fetish, I’m a normal guy and would love to find someone normal and boring out there that likes the occasional wet sex. MISSES THE WETNESS

You have a fetish that you simply can’t find a biological woman to satisfy so you’ll just have to turn to the gay or shemale scene. You have no choice! It’s not your fault you can’t find a girl to perform this perfectly ordinary fetish — your hand’s been forced, you’ll have to turn to the queers for it. Even though you’re normal! Wetness, it’s OK that you want someone with a dick to pee on you and yes, you may even find it easier to procure. Either way, you are not a freak.

Love Bits
I meet the most awesome people writing a sex column, the latest being Randy Everhard, who wrote to comment on Thanks’ letter three weeks back about male escorting. Randy’s just your average suburban guy with a girlfriend who also escorts. He writes, “Female clients are far and few between. And for ladies, it’s usually an event or something rather than a craving that needs to be quickly satisfied. Women want pampering, romance, good conversation and good oral sex (OK, EXCEPTIONAL oral sex) and an encounter that lasts a few hours. But that wouldn’t be a very scientific approach because there just aren’t enough to say that this or that approach is statistically valid. Far more frequently, clients are couples who are looking to add another guy to the mix....

“If you’re a guy who wants to make any money escorting, you have to accept male clients. I consider myself straight, but I’ve found that there are lots of guys out there who identify themselves all kinds of different ways who want to experience performing oral on another guy with absolute discretion. My experience, the straighter I am, the more they want. And some of them are very good! If you’re a guy looking to provide escort services to women exclusively, there isn’t a city big enough to provide a living on this planet unless you have an exclusive deal with one sugar-mama who has lots of money.”

Email Sasha at sasha@eyeweekly.com or send your questions to Sasha c/o EYE WEEKLY, 625 Church St, 6th fl, Toronto, M4Y 2G1.

Email us at: LETTERS@EYEWEEKLY.COM or send your questions to EYEWEEKLY.COM
625 Church St, 6th Floor, Toronto M4Y 2G1