A flash of the cover of Never Mind the Bollocks — Virgin Records catalogue number VX2086 — at the start of a video presentation set to “Let’s Get it Started” by the Black Eyed Peas says everything you need to know about how Richard Branson’s vision will extend to Canadian broadcasting. No other mogul but the one who gleefully salvaged the Sex Pistols from corporate purgatory could be trusted to provide pop radio with new branding that’s arguably marketable. Who cares if the line between music and commercials is finally being blurred beyond the wettest dreams of the architects of Top 40? Listeners to 99.9 MIX-FM are effectively working for Richard Branson now — and he makes a better boss than the one they’ve got.

A low-key announcement of a new handle for an existing station, at the swanky Panorama Restaurant & Lounge at the top of Bay and Bloor, was the second such radio launch in less than a week — following last Tuesday’s unveiling of plans for the new CBC Radio 2. Given how it’s been over seven years since a big deal was made of any local modifications to the AM/FM dial, figuring this a terrestrial dinosaur just trying to stave off oblivion would be a justified reaction, were it not Virgin Radio 999.

Beneficiaries of Branson’s branding benevolence are Astral Media, which picked up 52 radio stations from Standard Broadcasting last year for $1.08 billion. The now-retired moniker “Mix” was initially bestowed upon the frequency in September 1991 by Standard chief Gary Slaight who, in response to some FM deregulation, told the Toronto Star this concept would go “beyond the boundaries of conventional radio programming.”

Mix 99.9 then spent the next 17 years as the epitome of convention, with a revolving door of morning shows, and constant tweaking of a music formula: not too hard, not too soft, not too old, not too new, and definitely never too exciting.

The station was also responsible for some of the worst crimes against transit advertising. An early desktop-published advert likened the appeal to a shelf of mix tapes — just as cassettes were becoming obsolete. A few years ago the station touted itself in public as “MP-FREE.”

For the last couple years, a discreetly re-branded MIX-FM tilted to a predictable rhythmic hit format, drafting the established Mad Dog and Billie morning show. Four months ago, it became the Canadian flagship for Perez Hilton’s radio gossip bites.

But, in general, the station didn’t seem to be aspiring to be much except a vague variation what was already being done better down the block at 104.5 CHUM-FM. A global corporate identity seems the only way to compete on a local level. Good thing Virgin Radio were equally eager to furnish Astral with the identity launched in the UK in 1993 — even though those national frequencies, recently sold to an India-based company, are being forced by Branson to relinquish the name in the same week it slithers into Canada.

Meanwhile, stations in Thailand, India, Italy, France, Dubai and soon Turkey have adopted the Virgin brand at an accelerated rate, in conjunction with local owners, even though each country offers its own distinct variation on the sound.

Strangely — or maybe not so strangely — paralleling CBC Radio 2’s pitch, Astral’s local radio vice-president Pat Holiday stresses the “international” flavour of Virgin Radio 999 programming. Well, the globalization jukebox does make celebrity station IDs more convenient (“Hi, this is Mariah Carey, and you’re listening to Virgin Radio” can be repurposed with no particular technical wizardry) and explaining their hit-radio disposition as a multicultural one is snazzier than stating the dubiously obvious — that the only appeal music FM can truly count on going foward are those without the means or know-how to access alternatives.

Then again, an audience may also be reached by doing something well. Such is the plan with the drive-home show, The Rush, co-hosted by Chris Biggs and Taylor Kaye, both drafted from CHUM-FM to freshen up MIX’s sound after rehearsing all summer long. Morning-style radio in the afternoon is apparently the hook — which must mean, instead of learning about what happened on yesterday’s prime-time reality television, they will instruct you on what to watch tonight.

Wouldn’t it be better if “youth” broadcasting execs in this country better resembled the female stars of The Hills? No such luck at Astral, where a cabal of middle-aged men can no doubt talk your ear off about multi-platform strategies due to accompany the clout of the Virgin brand — sure to extend to other markets in the months to come. Mercifully, with the launch broadcast over the air, such hyperbole was muted.

And while Richard Branson unfortunately didn’t scale his way up the outside of the 51-storey Manulife Centre as hoped, he sent envoys in the form of Virgin Radio International president Ian Grace — along with the Beefeater and Ginger Spice Union Jack dress costumes meant to project cheeky Rebel Billionaire attitude.

The notion of hit-radio in Toronto importing its authority from other places is nothing new: Dick Clark shipped tapes from Philadelphia to 1050 CHUM in 1963 to facilitate a pseudo-live show, much like Wolfman Jack did a decade later in the wake of revived American Graffiti fame. Casey Kasem of American Top 40 filled weekend airtime across Canada with countdowns more profound for originating from Hollywood.

Now it’s 2008, and the modern-day version is Ryan Seacrest, who does a morning show from Los Angeles so devoid of informational purpose — aside from perpetuating itself between commercials — that it can be broadcast to Toronto at night via Virgin Radio. Mad Dog and Billie are thankful for the disparity in time zones.

Commercial radio revenue grew six per cent in 2007, Statistics Canada reported today, outpacing media advertising growth as a whole for the third time in five years.

 

HEAR: the nifty Virgin Radio launch montage while it lasts here.

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