The most-widely covered film festival in Toronto history was calculated to have run out of detail to report this past Tuesday at 10:15am with the delivery of a press release: “Canadians call for more cow bell at this year’s TIFF!” An online survey posted at Sympatico/MSN Movies revealed that 40 per cent of Canadian wanted to hang out with Christopher Walken, compared to 30 per cent craving the company of Colin Farrell — even though he’d be more likely to pay for your clothing, food and shelter — and 11 per cent favour Ethan Hawke.

By the end of the week, the same Bell-owned site was asking users to vote on “the most boring celeb to grace the red carpet at TIFF this year.” David Schwimmer seemed to have that one locked, possibly because there didn’t seem to be any reported proof that he was in town.

But, on the cover of this week’s Star magazine, another former Friends star was involved in an Exclusive FIASCO in Toronto: “My Dinner With Brad” claims that Jennifer Anison was dressed to kill in the face of Brad Pitt’s guilty conscience as he received text messages from Angelina Jolie. The glossy tabloid even explains, in graphic detail, “What REALLY went wrong.”

Well, it couldn’t have been any worse than the impression left by the 33rd annual Toronto International Film Festival, which seems to have been entirely created by the accelerated news cycle, which ensures the regurgitation of every last gripe.

Based on their complaints, the old guard may never be coming back for more: Roger Ebert got thwacked with a binder because of his inability to tell a New York Post hack to move his melon out of the view of subtitles; Rex Reed of the New York Observer lamented the “Hollywood shopping mall” paralysis that the city was being subjected to; and even Bruce Kirkland of the Toronto Sun decried the corporate elitism that was making the festival far less accessible.

However, in 50 weeks from now, will anyone remember that all the local saturation coverage attempted for TIFF generally amounts to virtually naught?

Visiting online scribes have been a welcome new development for those actually keeping tabs on the cinema — the surrounding city is of little consequence when watching five or six movies in a day — and even they found enough to complain about. Hollywood Elsewhere blogger Jeffrey Wells was plagued with laptop problems that found him filing a Sunday morning dispatch from the dodgy-looking iClick internet lounge and Yonge and St. Joseph. That afternoon, he reported that his $400 camera and iPhone were lifted by “three young apes” while blaming himself for holding his nose at their “anarchic stink.”

The more pragmatic David Poland of Movie City News didn’t want to kick TIFF while it was down but nonetheless wondered aloud why, in the face of decreased cash sponsorships and a waning indie movement, would Toronto be pushing forward with plans for a permanent film festival facility. And, on Wednesday, noted that everyone from out of town had basically bailed for home — often taking their good movies with them.

Currently at the midpoint of its construction, not even the Bell Lightbox could catch a break at the newspaper owned by its title sponsor, The Globe and Mail — which played up the fact that the full King Street West building might not be ready for full use in time for the 2010 festival as previously aspired.

The corporate velvet rope also blocked off what had become the most interesting armchair access to TIFF activity. Bell Canada has completely cut off any Rogers Television coverage of the film festival, blocking the access of local cable subscribers to the unfiltered view of press conferences, with no online access provided to the mysterious ex-ExpressVu satellite “Bell TV.”

Party reports tend to repeat the observation that few people you would have heard of — unless you keep track of bylines — are ever spotted at any TIFF-related bash, so why bother sending someone out to cover their mundane details? The exact freemason-inspired workings of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association carry on unscathed, though, with only Fox News 411 columnist Roger Friedman bothering to passively point out from a distance of how 40 members of the Golden Globe Awards racket spend the week being chauffeured around Toronto (scroll down).

At least those boldface names taking advantage of the “IT” Gift Lounge are subject to a bit more transparency, as a Toronto-based site titled The Hollywood Minute posted snaps of Sophia Bush, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Tie Domi, Russell Peters, Scott Speedman and George Stroumboulopoulos accepting complimentary items they could surely afford. (Based on the photographic evidence, though, Mark McKinney accepted nothing more than a free cup of Maxiccino.)

Seems that even free celebrity swag donor extraordinaire Roots were forced to give some claws to their context, hosting an exhibit of vintage photos by stalkerazzi pioneer Ron Gallela. The display was credible enough to attract Robert F. Kennedy Jr. — even though Gallela is best-known for once earning a restraining order from Jackie Onassis — high-class celeb recluse Debra Winger, and a long-gone icon of local broadcasting who used to be Joey Vendetta.

 

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