I admit it, I am a sensitive New Age guy. I care about Mother Earth, I care about what goes into my body and I care about what goes into my woman’s body. So when this woman of mine suggested introducing some sex toys to our sexy fun time, my first thought wasn’t, “No way, I should be enough for you!” It was, “No way, what kinds of chemicals are in those damn things?!” Can you tell me what toys are the best for our bodies and the Earth? DON’T JUST WANT A GREEN THUMB

Anything created from natural materials like glass, wood or stainless steel is a great option and these toys are often so visually pleasing you’ll be tempted to display them as conversation pieces. Look for products from Standard Glass or njoy. If you’re looking for vibrators, companies like LELO and Fun Factory offer rechargeable options, meaning you’ll have no batteries to dispose of.

Both these companies use medical-grade silicone, which is non-porous and phthalate-free.
When looking for silicone, make sure you choose companies like the ones mentioned above who —along with Vixen, Tantus and Happy Valley — are all committed to using the best possible materials. Happy Valley has the added bonus of being from Ontario, meaning your toy doesn’t have to travel by plane to get to you.

Tantus, a company with a particularly green focus (they even use non-toxic cleaning products in their manufacturing process), is getting set to launch a new line called Alumina. Aluminum is the most plentiful metal in the Earth’s crust, is recyclable and Tantus uses a grade employed in medical devices, also coating the toys in a medical-grade finish. The Alumina line is
compatible with all lubes — speaking of which, for the most natural options, look for lubricants that are paraben-free and/or use organic ingredients, such as Hathor and Good Clean Love.

As an online resource, Red Tent Sisters are launching a website called ecosex.ca in January that will focus on the most environmentally friendly sex products available. Chemists and other relevant experts will be on hand to answer all your questions
in detail.

And for all you readers (perhaps you, Thumb, are even one of them) who have been hankering for a gigantic item to stick in your ass or vagina but have been disappointed with the smelly, porous materials presented in many current mainstream options, have a look at Tantus’ new silicone Cowboy line. I received two samples in the mail last week — one of which was significantly larger than my forearm and the other the size of a bottle of Bull’s-Eye barbecue sauce — and spent a couple of valiant but unsuccessful hours trying to get cordial with them. I am personally in awe of anyone who craves and receives such girth.

“They play amazing,” enthuses Michael Smith, Tantus’ CEO. (Metis Black, the owner of Tantus, directed me to Smith for an interview, cheerfully describing him as the company’s size queen, a fact that is usually only revealed about a company’s highest ranking corporate officer by the tabloid media.) Smith suggests using a thick, water-based lube with them, or Crisco if you like that sort of thing.

The SO-SO O  
I’ve been happily married for a few years and not only do I seem to have lost my libido, but even when I am horny the only sex I can muster up is humdrum. When I was younger, I was really into having lots of sex and being quite adventurous but I’m not sure what happened.
It seems like the longer this goes on, the more shy and inhibited I’m becoming.

I look at women who seem very comfortable with their sexuality and who seem to feel or act sexy and I wonder how they do it. Where do they get that confidence? How come they’re not embarrassed or shy? I can understand if they are supermodel types, but what about the average-looking chick like me, with a body that’s not going to appear in any swimsuit issue anytime soon? Sometimes I also feel ashamed during sex, like it’s OK for other people but it just looks wrong when I look down and it’s me.

I am writing to you to ask if you can recommend any classes, books or websites that deal with the following issues: low sex drive for women, overcoming sexual inhibition or shyness and overcoming any embarrassment or shame? I have seen a therapist to deal with possible underlying emotional issues but before I invest in a sex therapist I would like to see what other information or help is available out there. HOPEFUL 

Hopeful, you are all tangled up in one of the world’s most paralyzing fallacies: that in order to have good sex you have to be on the Ford Models roster. I understand how hard it can be to maintain a consistent positive self-image but you must ask yourself: who are these people pushing impossibly thin and unvaryingly attractive women up on pedestals as the only legitimate sex objects? If they’re not gay men, they’re dead-inside bitches, so what they find attractive and, by extension, promote doesn’t really matter in the world where your clitoris is queen, not that bloody ridiculous turd Karl Lagerfeld. Being a model, swimsuit or otherwise, is not a remedy for sexual discontent. If you are keen to have a healthy sex life, you’re just going to have to get past all that superficial baloney.

Let’s get you started on a proactive, multi-pronged approach, one that also addresses your low libido. A sex therapist need not cost you a fortune, as some are covered by OHIP. Go to www.bestco.info for options. Have a look at Kathryn Hall’s Reclaiming Your Sexual Self as well as Leonore Tiefer’s thoughts on female sexual health (google her and you’ll find her essays and videos). Workshops on female sexual empowerment (from burlesque to orgasm) abound at places like Good For Her, Come As You Are and Red Tent Sisters; just go on their websites and take your pick. It’s time to take charge, lady!

Send questions to Sasha at sasha@eyeweekly.com.

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