I am wondering how much it would cost to have my virginity restored and if this surgery is covered by OHIP. Also, can you recommend any doctors to do this surgery and tell me how long it takes to recover. My fiancé believes I am a virgin and it is important that he continue believing this. DK

For many years plastic surgeons have shaved and shaped patients’ noses under the guise of correcting a “deviated septum” but I’m afraid the vagina offers no analogous pretext under which to justify a few sneaky stitches care of our healthcare system. On the contrary, it looks like one of the only ways of receiving subsidized hymen surgery is if the membrane in question is septate, imperforate or microperforate (see www.youngwomenshealth.org/hymen.html for definitions) — in other words, if the opening needs to be made larger, not smaller. What can I say, we simply haven’t gotten to the point where expunging your sexual history, for fraudulent purposes anyway, is covered by OHIP.

At the moment, vaginal rejuvenation is still considered cosmetic so if you are betrothed to someone to whom purity is crucial and would like your vagina to reflect your claims of being so, then you will have to cough up the $4,000 (plus GST) the Toronto Cosmetic Clinic demands for what it calls hymenoplasty. The surgery takes less than an hour and involves sewing the ruptured membrane back together or taking tissue from the vaginal wall and creating a new hymen out of it. It’s a quick recovery — if you had, say, a “November Rain”–themed wedding planned, you could still totally go with it. But again, it costs $4,000 (plus GST), so while you will have a fresh cherry to pop, your fiancé might wonder why you’re wearing a potato sack for the big event.

As for doctors I would recommend, Arnold Kegel comes to mind but he’s dead and the legacy he left with his pubococcygeus exercises likely won’t produce the show of blood your future husband will expect. Love Bites’ favourite wisecracking plastic surgeon, Dr. Robert Stubbs, is, in his words, “trying out retirement” — otherwise I would definitely suggest talking to him. If you want to interview surgeons who perform hymenoplasty, you may contact the Toronto Cosmetic Clinic at 416-221-5554.


PARTY FAVOURS WANTED
I want to host a sex-toy party for my friends but I’m looking for something very special. Years ago I remember attending one that included a lot of junky stuff. I would like something that will offer a good explanation of the products, as well as good products. My friends are quite conservative too, so, please, if you could suggest someone who won’t be too crazy that would be great. ANNABELLE

Ah yes, the sex-toy party of yore, when one of your friends invites one of her slutty older sister’s friends over to show a group of giggling gals an array of phthalate-drenched vibrators, lubes inspired by the drinks menu of Howard Johnson circa 1961 and exotic bubble baths that would do well to include a bottle of boric acid and some gelatin capsules. Sexy fun!
Though these types of sex-toy parties are definitely not extinct, they have been joined by, shall we say, more conscientious ones. Good For Her hosts parties both in the store and in the comfort of your home. I interviewed owner Carlyle Jansen about the parties, but I knocked the battery out of my laptop while masturbating and lost the transcription. I didn’t want to pester Carlyle again because her kid has chicken pox, so here’s what I remember (Carlyle, if anything is wrong please let us know):

Rather than really push the sales, Good For Her charges each participant $10, with some caveats, and this charge gets you a friendly, knowledgeable Good For Her employee going over sexual anatomy, technique and all the gory details of the toys, books and DVDs. Good For Her can also customize a party for you, so say you’re all, like, “I want to be an eco slut,” then the representative will bring over a selection of earth-friendly products. Or supposing you think any suggestion of ass play would kill the vibe at your party, she won’t bring any butt plugs or anal sex DVDs. And unlike other toy parties, Good For Her doesn’t do an extravagant mark-up when they bring toys to your house: everything’s the same price as it is in the shop. You can get the nuts and bolts at their website: www.goodforher.com.

I’m not quite sure what you mean by “crazy,” but let’s say you’re intimidated by the possibility of someone too ostentatiously sexual. Carlyle does ensure that everyone is very professional and though they don’t show up in suits, you also won’t get someone in leather with their breasts bursting out of a bustier and a selection of torture implements clipped ominously to their belt. One thing she says puts people at ease is when the facilitator introduces herself and talks about her sexual history. Apparently many women are surprised to find that the women who teach these classes don’t come out of the womb waving a dildo — that they, too, have had issues around orgasm and comfort levels and are still learning and exploring themselves.  


LOVE BITS
Several dedicated menstrual cup users weighed in about the DivaCup controversy and the consensus seems to be that most women feel comfortable using their cup past the current one-year lifespan. JM, whose DivaCup is still going strong after five years, actually buys cups as presents for her less solvent friends.  “It’s a weird gift,” she says, “but one that I get great feedback about.”

K bought a DivaCup several years ago when her Keeper bit the dust after eight years: “I thought silicone sounded like a good bet, I liked the idea of being able to boil it. I took a year or two to transition because I found it a lot harder to take out than my Keeper. Either way, I would definitely recommend to all women to get a menstrual cup, whichever brand they choose. These have totally revolutionized my relationship with my period.”

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